UPJOKE

On My Knees Jokes

The other night I drank so much I was on my knees puking. I should know better than to hang out with my best friends

Neal and Chuck

My girlfriend said she wants me to get on my knees this Valentine's day.

I don't even think the kitchen floor is *that* dirty, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew walk into a bar...

After a few drinks, they start talking about how they came to their respective faiths. The Christian tells his story first: "One day I was traveling across the Atlantic Ocean when we got caught in a terrible rainstorm. I had lost complete control of the ship, so I got down on my knees and prayed to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my parents that I lost my virginity.

Which they didn't take well, considering they're Catholics.

They sat me down and said, "You must beg to God for forgiveness."

So I got down on my knees and said, "God, I've done enough kneeling today, please forgive me!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I heard someone had found a cure for dyslexia.....

...it was like music to my arse. I got down on my knees and thanked dog. Then I removed it from this years Satan list.

The world's most sarcastic man stands trial.

"How do you plead?" asks the judge.

"Well," says the man. "Usually on my knees with my hands together."

My wife says I've been spending so much time posting on r/jokes, that she's leaving me!

I pleaded with her... tried to reason with her. I even got down on my knees and begged her not to go! I mean, where will I get all my material from now?

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