UPJOKE

On A Scale Of Jokes

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On a scale of Alligator to Gorilla....

How shitty of a parent are you?

My wife just said to me, you're an eight on a scale of ten.

I'm confused why did she ask me to Urinate on a Skeleton?

On a scale of 1-100, how mature are you?

69

I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8?

Kid: It stops at 8?

Doctor: It does for you.

"On a scale of one to ten..

..how bad is your headache?" asked the doctor.

"It's π.", said I.

..."π?"

..."Yes. Low-level, but never ending."

Doctor, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is this tumor?

Doctor: "I'd say it's be-nine."

Patient: "Hahaha"

Doctor: "Hahahaha"

Patient: "Haha"

Doctor: "You have a month to live."

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My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10

Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done.

I asked this German woman on a scale of 1-10, how likely is it she would go out with me.

Don't mean to brag, but she said 9.

On a scale of one to ten, my obsession with Harry Potter

is nine and three quarters.

On a scale of Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky...

...how much do you like kids?

On a scale of 1-10

Drake chose Eleven

On a scale of 1 to 11, how would you rate Arabs?

9 out of 11

My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100..

..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.

On a scale of 0-1...

How much do you love binary?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?

9 3/4

On a scale of -∞ to ∞, my girlfriend is a √-1

Completely imaginary, but useful in a lot of situations “on paper.”

On a scale of North Korea to America,

how free are you this weekend?

On a scale of 1 to Osama...

How good was the hiding spot?

On a scale of 1-10

How old was Michael Jackson's boyfriend?

On a Scale of 1 to Atlanta's Freeways...

How much is your life falling apart?

I asked my wife “on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate yourself?” And in a sassy tone, she said “11”.

I told her “Must be a pH scale cause you’re basic as hell.”

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People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5...

People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5.

People with a penis length above 5 inches tend to rate things on a scale of 1-10.

1-100 people will get this.

On a scale of one to ten, guess how much I like golfing.

Fore!

Just watched a pirated movie

On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14

I came up with this joke about a month ago, just remembered to post it.

A young woman had a real big problem, all her life it took her forever to go pee. Sometimes she would be sitting on the toilet for several minutes of agony before she could squeeze out a drop. It also made her so self-conscious that she was scared to date, despite being a fairly attractive woman....

"I love you," I said. "Do you love me too?"

"Yes," my wife replied. "On a scale of 1-10 that sounds about right."

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NSFW so I met this girl at a bar last night...

We had a really good time so I brought her home, but I couldn't believe it when she pissed on my floor.. it's probably my fault though. When she asked me to grade her looks on a scale of one to ten I told her, "you're an eight."

My girlfriend recently told me about her pee fetish

I replied, “oh I already know”

“How?” She asked

I answered, “because on a scale of 1-10, urinate”

Instead of working out, I'm just going to get a label maker.

I'll label my scale "1-10", then every time I step on it I'll be reminded that on a scale of 1-10, I'm a 220.

My wife broke her foot yesterday...

The doctor recommended Rest, Ice, Compression & Elevation.

When I asked my wife how bad the pain was on a scale of 1-10, she replied:

Broken foot: 10/10

Broken foot with RICE: 5/10

Celsius be like

On a scale of 0-100, how hot is this water?

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Two sex workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room.

Sex worker: "On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"

Trump: "Urinate"

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A sciencey joke for y'all.

An American nuclear engineer is talking with a Japanese nuclear engineer about a new material they're planning on using for gamma radiation shielding. The Japanese engineer asks if he can see it in action, so the American takes a piece of iron about 3 inches thick and puts in front of a gamma source...

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