UPJOKE

Older Women Jokes

Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain.

Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain.
One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

First Lady:Whats that?

Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet.
...

When older women begin accumulating cats...

It's called "many paws".

What spice should you always keep at the liquor store to make older women feel younger?

Cardamom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I guy I knew about 10 years ago was really into older women (NSFL)

And when I say older, I'm talking about your grandmother.



He met this one lady who was obviously flattered by the attention. They talked for a while, laughing and exchanging stories about each other, they were really hitting it off.



Then he suggested going back to her p...

I finally decided to stop trying to date older women.

It was fun at first, but they always get offended if you guess too old.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An older women gets pulled over for speeding

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for...

Did you hear about the dating site where younger men can meet older women?

It’s called Oedipal Arrangements.

Three older women were sitting on a park bench.

One groaned. The one sitting next to her sighed.

The third one looked at both of them and said, "I thought we weren't going to talk about the children."

Sandy, an older women in her fifties, has a near death experience...

...later, on the operating table. She sees God who tells her not to worry she has at least another thirty years to live.


Sandy decides she’s anyway in the hospital and she had another thirty years to live, she should make the most of it. She has plastic surgery on her face, Botox and bre...

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What do older women and dog shit have in common?

The older they get the easier they are to pick up

If you spend enough time on Instagram or Reddit or reels…

… eventually you will see images of scantily clad older women and even some men, asking your opinion of them. This is not good, there comes a time when less is not better. UNLESS, you can profit from it. For example, in my case I found that walking around naked in my backyard has produced tall pri...

Sam: Hey Dave, I saw something really weird last night in the woods.

Dave: Oh yeah? What’d you see?

Sam: We’ll it’s kinda hard to explain, except it looked like a group of older women gathered around a fire, doing these weird chants and they started to get naked.. I mean that could only mean one thing..

Dave: Which is?

Sam: Exactly

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An Englishman and a Frenchman are sitting opposite a beautiful young woman and her mother on a train going through the Alps

The train passes into a tunnel and the carriage is suddenly plunged into darkness. A short while later, everyone hears a loud *slap*, and a cry of *zut alors*! When the train emerges, the angry Frenchman is rubbing his cheek.

The older woman thinks: "That dirty Frenchman must have tried to to...

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day

Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seem...

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The 107-year-old man was asked by a television crew what was the secret of his longevity.

"It's because I gave up sex," he said.

"When did you give up sex?" asked the reporter.

"Just about fifteen years ago."

"I see," said the reporter. "And why did you give up sex?"

"I had to. I like older women and there weren't any more left!"

People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting

I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.

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