Older Men Jokes - 13 Hilarious Older Men Jokes

hot older men in your area

Want to know if you've been playing with the thermostat?

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Older men scam

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, ...

Two older men are golfing on a beautiful spring day.

As they approach the 8th hole, a funeral procession passes by on the road. One man takes off his hat and looks down solemnly until it passes, then resumes walking.

"Wow," says the other man. "I have never seen such thoughtfulness by someone busy with a game of golf!"

The first man repl...

Urgent message to all older men...

There has been a terrible spate of robberies by a gang of young women. Their MO is to pull you over on the road and hitch a ride. They always wear skimpy bikinis, then start to rub themselves on you while you're driving in order to distract you. One of them then sneakily steals your wallet. I have a...

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Why Older Men don't get hired.

HR. Manager: What would you consider your greatest weakness?

Old Man: "My honesty."

HR. Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Old Man: "I don't give a what you think."

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Two older men where sitting at a bar.

Two older men where sitting at a bar when they over heard a few younger men talking.

One younger man said "you look exhausted"

The other man replied "I know all my girlfriend wants to do is have . Before breakfast, after breakfast, middle of the day, night, she even makes me up most...

I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments.

Which means they're ready for me.

I’ve been getting some odd pop up ads recently:

“Hot older men in your area want to know if you’ve been messing with the thermostat”

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I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend this morning who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild,
romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'. Wow!' I was flabbergasted.
'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now',
...

Italian Bread

Two older men, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, "Well, I...

A moth walks into a gynecologist's office.

He sits down, put his legs in the stirrups and everything.

"Doc, I feel terrible. I think my wife is cheating on me. Sometimes I come home and I feel like I see other moths flying out the backyard.

I think my boy's on drugs. I found a lighter and some paper in his room the other...

Dementia

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inqu...

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An old man seems very happy at the old people's home...

..his daughter asks him how its all going. He replies "Fine"
"Are you sleeping ok?" she enquires.
"Oh yes," he replies, " very well - every evening they give me a cup of warm cocoa and a ... I sleep as sound as anything!"
The daughter thinks this is a little odd but decides not to com...

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