UPJOKE

Old Men Jokes

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town...

After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: 'Go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the differ...

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Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there...

Two old men had been best friends for years...

...and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in he...

Two old men playing golf

Two old men are out on the golf course one morning playing their usual round of golf when a funeral procession comes down the street next to the green on which they are putting. One of the old men notices the procession and immediately stops in the middle of his putt. He calmly steps away from his b...

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Two old men were talking

Tom said he had started viagra and it was amazing. He was able to have sex like he was a teenager!
Rob, nervous to go to his doctor about this “problem” asked “Well, can you get it over the counter?”
Tom thinks for a moment then replies, “I’m not positive but I think if I take two of them I ca...

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says,” You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.“

“Oh, what’s it called?” asks the other man enthusiastically.

His friend thinks for a minute,” Uhm…I…er…”

Obviously having a senior moment he says,” What’s that flower...

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Two old men sit on a bench (NSFW)

Two old men sit on a bench chatting about their relationships. The first man moans how his wife never wants sex and has been turning him down for years.

He eventually turns to the other man and sighs,

"Well, anyway, how's that new wife of yours?"

The second man breathes deeply ...

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So three old men met on a Sunday morning...

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran,...

If slow old men use walking sticks, what do fast old men use ?

Hurry canes.

Two old men are sitting on either end of a park bench...

On one side, the old man is quietly reading his newspaper.

On the other end of the bench, that old man is pantomiming fishing. He takes our an imaginary worm, baits an imaginary hook, casts out with his imaginary rod, and slowly reels in the imaginary line. He then unhooks an imaginary fi...

Two old men sitting on a park bench

Two old men were sitting on a park bench watching the young women jog by. One jogger stops and gets upset at the attention. "Just who are you staring at, old man?" she asks.

He drops his head and apologizes saying "I'm sorry, but you remind me of my dear wife. She was a dark haired beauty jus...

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Three old men met for breakfast

As they ate the subject of health came up. One man said "I don't know what's going on with my system now but I'm up at least a dozen times a night to pee! Even if I stop drinking HOURS before I try to sleep!"

The number two man said "Well, beats the opposite. I swear, some days I'm stuck sit...

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A 70 year old, 80 year old and 90 year old men in a nursing home were talking.

“Being 70 is the worst!” The 70 year old exclaims. “Every morning at 7, I wake up to pee, but nothing comes out!”

“Oh, that’s nothing!” The 80 year old says. “Each morning at 8, I wake up to poop, and I sit on the toilet for what seems like hours, but nothing comes out!”

“Oh, that’s no...

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They're giving all the old men Viagra over at the old folks home.

It keeps them from rolling out of bed.

Why is joking about old mens nuts so easy?

It's low hanging fruit

What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?

The 2028 election.

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Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook.

The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad,
that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."

The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My
hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden
yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."

The third old man laughed and said, "That'...

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Two old men sitting on a benchpark are talking:

The first one ask the other: "Do you know the weight of a fart?"

The second one act surprised: "A fart you said? It doesn't have weight it's just air!"

The first one: "You sure about that? Ah Godammit i think I just shit my pants!"

Three old men

Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.
The doctor said to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", he replied.

Then the doctor asked the third man, "Okay, your...

Three old men are lounging in chairs on the beach in the French Riviera.

One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. With the insurance money I was able to retire here."

Another said, "Well that's a coincidence. I had a business that had a gas leak and blew up and the insurance money allowed me to retire here."

The third guy said, "You'...

Three old men are sitting on a park bench. The first says "Windy, innit?".

The second says "No. Thursdy.".

The third says "Me too. Let's go for a pint.".

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few ...

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Two old men were talking at an assisted living facility

One man said "You know, I think my wife may be dead!"

The second man asked "Why would you think that?!"

"Well," said the first man "the sex is about the same but the laundry's piling up."

Two 95 year old men, Jack and Sam, are huge baseball fans.

One day, Jack falls seriously ill, and doesn’t have long to live. Sam visits him in the hospital to say goodbye. Sam asks him a favor before he passes.

“Hey Jack, when you get to heaven, can you see if there is baseball there? If there is, tell me.”

“I can certainly try, for my best fr...

Two old men are riding on a train in north London, when it stops at a station.

First Old Man: “Is this Wembley?”

Second Old Man: “No, it’s Thursday.”

First Old Man: “So am I. Let’s go get a beer!”

Two old men...

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel?

I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?''

''Honestly, I feel like a newborn baby.

I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''

Two old men are in a car

The first man notices the car is approaching an intersection with red lights, but his friend doesn’t seem to be slowing down. He gets tenser and tenser, sweat starts dripping down his back before the car zooms through the intersection at full speed.

A few minutes later, the same thing happen...

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3 grumpy old men are sitting on a park bench... (NSFW)

3 grumpy old men are sitting on a park bench...

First old man says "Oy, I HATE gettin' old. It's getting to now where I can't take a good healthy piss anymore!"

Second old man nods: "You ain't lyin'. Getting old sucks. Just ONCE I wish I could take a big healthy shit like I used to whe...

Two old men in a pub that have been friends for decades are talking about golfing

One of them took a drink of his bitter and then asked the other "Now, I know the game can sometimes frustrate us all. But have you ever been in such a deep desperate situation where you got so angry that you picked up your clubs and hurled them into the lake near the course?"

But before the ...

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Three Old men reminiscing in a nursing home.......

........complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.

The first old man said "I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble."



The second old man said ...

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Three old men are talking...

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.

One 75-year-old man says: "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7 a.m. and it takes me 20 minutes to pee."

An 80-year-old man says: "My case is worse. I get up at 8 a.m. and I sit there and grunt and...

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Old Men !!!!!

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.


Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The ...

Why don't old men like old women?

Ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Why do the election results take so long?

It’s a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?

Three old men sitting on a park bench…

Man #1: I wish I can sleep through the night, I get up every 2 hours to pee.

Man #2: You think that’s bad? I’m constipated and haven’t had a bowel movement in a week.

Man #3: You think you guys have problems? I sleep throughout the night and every morning at 7:30 I empty my bladder and...

Two Old Men On A Bench

Two old men sat on a bench. We'll call them Bob and Joe. As Bob and Joe were sitting on the bench, Bob turns to Joe and asks, "Hey Joe, do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Joe waits for a moment and replies, "well as you can tell with this cancer in all I don't have much time left......so I'll...

What do old men and old computers have in common?

3.5 inch floppies.

Two old men across the bar

I saw two old men across the bar and told my buddy, we gotta be careful otherwise that's gonna be us in 10 years.

He looks at me and say: "That's a mirror dummy..."

Three old men, hard of hearing

Three old men, hard of hearing, are waiting at a bus stop on a hill, it’s winter time.
The first man goes as he’s shivering “brrrr, it’s windy”!
The second one responds “it’s not Wednesday, it’s Thursday”,
And the third man says “I’m thirsty too, let’s go grab a beer”!

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Three retired old men are sitting down for lunch and comparing their lives

The first old man says that every morning he's awake at 5 am and has to stand in front of the toilet for an hour just to urinate.

The second old man says that's nothing compared to how constipated his medication makes him. And he has to sit on the toilet for at least an hour every morning. <...

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Three old men sitting on a bench (xpost from r/funny)

Theres three old men sitting on a bench, the first one says "I think I have the worst life here because I wake up at 8:00 and I can't piss!" The second one then says "I think my life is worse than yours because I wake up at 8:30 and I can't shit!" The third one finally says "Gentlemen I think my lif...

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Three old men talk about their problems.

The first one says,
I wake up at 7 a.m every morning with a terrible urge to pee. I go to the bathroom and I stand there for two hours and nothing.

The second one says,
I wake up at 6 a.m every morning with a terrible need to defecate. I sit there reading for four hours, and nothing. <...

Three Old Men

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.

The first says: "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm 75 years old. Every morning at 7:00, I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man ...

There’s Three Old Men,

Sitting on their porch, and Jesus finally comes for them. so they’re up in heaven, and there is ducks, EVERYWHERE. Now Jesus Says, “Alrighty, Now in heaven, we only got one rule. Never. Ever. Step on a duck. If you do, you will be chained up to an ugly person for all of eternity.”
Now they all sa...

Why did the blonde love to flirt with old men?

Because they made the best Theranos investors

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Three old men are sitting in an old-age home bitching about how much their lives suck.

Three old men are sitting in an old-age home bitching about how much their lives suck.

The first one says "Every morning I wake up at 6:00. At 6:30 I piss for half an hour, just standing there as piss dribbles out. At 7:00 I shit for an hour before I can squeeze anything out. I hate this life...

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Three old men, 70, 80, and 90 years young, sat on a park bench for a chat.

During their conversation, the topic of sleep schedules and bodily functions comes up. Of course, being a competitive group, each one feels the need to have the most significant problems.

The 70 year old says, "I wake up at 5 AM every morning and need to pee urgently, but I have to stand th...

Some old men can still think fast.

An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years.  
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe  courts, and some apple and peach trees. 
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, to...

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Two old men are walking in the garden of their retirement home...

All the sudden, some old woman jumps out of the bushes right in front of them, swings her bathrobe wide open and exposing her naked body beneath shouts "SUPERPUSSY!!!"

One man turns to the other, taps his hearing aid and says loudly:
"WHAT DID SHE SAY, LARRY?"

"She said SUPERPUSSY, ...

Do 90-year-old men wear boxers or briefs?

Depends.

Two old men in Glasgow are talking...

"Here, did you see the Vienna Philharmonic are coming to town?"

\- "Nae bother, I reckon Rangers'll stick a couple of goals past 'em"

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Three old men are in a bar, drinking.

After a few drinks, two of them see the third pissed his pants.

They shout at him: “What happened? Why didn’t you go to the bathroom?”

“Last night he didn’t get up for me, today I’m not getting up for him.”

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Old Men Scam

>**Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.  This is the first warning I have seen for men.  I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.  A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Sam’s ...

I like to play chess with old men in the park

although it’s hard to find 32 of them

Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet

While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)

The other says: "Who's playing?"

"Austria-Hungary", says the first.

"Against whom?"

So there are these two rich old men who live next to each other...

At the on the border of their land is a pool that conjoins the two luxurious estates. In this pool each man has a pet dolphin. Every day, the two old men stand at the edge of the pool, and argue about who's dolphin is the smartest. This has gone in for years.

Then one day the first neighbor ...

Two old men are sitting on the porch,

their wives in the kitchen. One says to the other, "Bob you should try that restaurant we went to last night. Best food I've had in a long time."

"Yeah Joe? What was it called?" asked Bob.

"Well, I can't seem to remember...What is the name of that red flower, you know with the thorn...

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Old men

2 old men Mark and Dennis were sitting on a park bench hanging out, old man Dennis says "hey I wonder how old I am". Mark said "you really want to know, I can help you pull down your pants. Dennis looking at mark all weird said "are you messing with me ?" Mark said "listen do you want to know your...

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Two old men are sitting around telling stories...

“Did I ever tell you about my run-in with a grizzly bear?”

“If you did, I don’t remember”

“Well, I was walking along this trail when out of nowhere a grizzly bear jumped out at me! RAWRRRRRRR!”

“Oh my god! What happened?”

“I crapped my pants”

“Well, that’s understa...

Two old men sitting on a park bench discussing their junk

First one says, “I’ll bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard.”

Second one says, “That’s ridiculous. I’ve known you my whole life. Never have you, _or your wife_, bragged of such a thing.”

“Fifty bucks says mine is longer soft than yours is hard.”

“You’re on. How long is ...

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Two old men are about to get in the sauna at the health club

One of them says, “I’ve gotten so fat I can’t even see my dick anymore.” The other asks, “Why don’t you diet?” The first guy exclaims, “Dye it? Shit what color is it now?!”

2 drunk old men walk into a brothel

One of them says to the Madame, "How do you do? We'd like the 2 nicest dolls in the place!" The Madame says to the bartender, "give these men a couple of drinks then put a doll in room 6 and a doll in room 7". The old drunk men go into their rooms and when they appear soon after, the Madame asks th...

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Two old men discuss their sex lives. (Long)

Mort and Saul meet every two weeks in the park and one day Mort says so, how's with you? Saul says Not so good, my sex life is not so good. What's wrong Mort asks. I haven't had sex in a long time Saul says. To which Mort says you should go see this hooker I know and ask for the bagel treatment. Wh...

Two old men finally retire...

They've had a hard life, both widowed many years ago and their children have all grown up and gone their own way. They decide that it would be INCREDIBLE to have a night on the town like the old days, a proper guys night out. They draw their final paychecks and proceed to get motherlessly drunk in a...

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Three old men are sitting around in a convalescent home,

And the first man pipes up:

“I wish I could have just one good easy piss. I’ve had enough with this dribbling, and trying to get it out, always waiting and waiting and waiting.”

The second man chimes in:

“I wish I could have one just one easy poop. It either comes out runny and ...

Two Old Men

Two old men were sitting in the yard outside the care home one day when Tim turned to the other and said "John I'm really feeling my age today I just hurt all over, how are you feeling?


John replied "I feel just like a new born babe"


Tim looked at him startled "A New Born...

Two old men are sitting on a park bench

When an old stray dog comes along, plops down right in front of them and starts licking himself. One old man leans over to the second and says "boy, I wish I could do that ". The second man horrified replies "that dog would bite you! "

Two old men were picked up by the cops

Two old men were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge.

The judge said, “You seem like nice men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and...

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Three Old Men are Sitting on a Park Bench

The first one starts talking about his problems regarding his health.

"Oh my god, I can't tell you how hard it is at my age. Every morning, I wake up at 7 o'clock, I go to the restroom and I try to urinate but no matter what I do, I can't go."

The second one then chimes in:

"You...

Problems Of Old Men

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, 'The best
 thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee.
 I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts.
 I have to go over and over again.' 
 The 85 year-old said, 'The best thin...

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Three old men

Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,

"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"

His buddy one chimes in:

"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"

The third old man patiently listening finally sa...

Two old men sat in a library and one asked the other have you read Marx?

I think it comes from sitting on these wicker chairs for too long he replied

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What do Christmas trees and old men have in common?

The balls are just for decoration

Naked old men in locker rooms...

I was going to make a joke about this, but it's such low hanging fruit.

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Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems

The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."

"Heck, that's nothing," said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I h...

Two old men were sitting quietly in a bar.

“When was the last time you made love to a woman?” the first man asked.

“It was 1945,” replied the other.

“My goodness!” exclaimed the first man. “That’s a long time ago.”

“Not really,” said the other man, glancing at his watch. “It’s only twenty past eight now.”

Two old men are sitting on a park bench.

The first man takes a look into his friend’s ear and says, “Do you know you’ve got a suppository stuck in your ear?”



“Really?” says the first man. “I had no idea. But I guess that explains where I put my hearing aid.”

Two old men lived their whole lives wondering if heaven had baseball

Two old men named Bob and John have been life long friends, they shared just about everything in common, but the thing they both loved the most was baseball. Now the two always had a question about the sport they loved so much and it was when they die would baseball be in heaven to greet them. Sadly...

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Three old men are talking about their health

The first says: "I'm not doing too well. I wake up every morning at 6 AM and want to take a leak, but I can't seem to pee."

The second commiserates: "I hear you, buddy. I wake up at 6 too and want to pee, and while I can take a leak, when at 7 AM I want to shit, I just can't force it out. It'...

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Here's a great idea for a boyband. Go to an old age home, assemble a group of old men and give one of them Viagra. The bands name you ask?

One erection

Two old men, who are growing very old and love the sport of baseball make a pact with each other one day...

These men love the game, they always talk the off-season trades, the winter meetings, watch every game of the season, and recollect on the players of their hay day. So they decide to form a pact. The first one to die will come back to the other and inform them if there is baseball in heaven.

...

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Why do they give old men warm milk and viagra at night in retirement homes?

The warm milk puts them to sleep, the viagra keeps them from rolling out of bed.

Two old men were fishing out on the river

Two old men sat in a boat on the river casting their lines as they the day carried on.

Late in the evening the men noticed a funeral procession passing by on the road in the distance. Without a word, one old man stood up, took off his hat, and bowed his head in a moment of silence.

Wh...

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

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Three old men are sitting in the park and talking about life.

The first one says "My hands have started shaking as of recently, I spilled a bit of coffee today."

The second one frowns and says "That's nothing, I spill a whole bottle of wine just to fill a single glass."

The third one listens, thinks for a while and replies "You're both fine, when...

Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.

"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.

"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.

"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient an...

Two old men are having an argument over which one of them has lived their life to it's fullest

The first man, old, wrinkled and his scalp topped with few white strains of hair, proclaims:
>"I have only been able to achieve my proud age of 98 through a steadily upheld 6 hour workout routine on a daily basis. I may have lost some time, but it was completely worth it."

The second m...

A bartender told me that the actor from No Country For Old Men started a fight in his pub

I asked, "Javier Bardem"?

He said "No, but I gave him a warning"

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Two old men meet every morning on a park bench after religious services.

One day one of the old men shows up with a black eye.

The other guy says “What happened”

He says “ I was at mass, and a beautiful young woman was in the pew in front of me. About halfway through, I noticed her short skirt had gotten wedged in between her ass cheeks. After a while, I c...

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Two old men are sitting in a field.

One turns to the other one and says, "You see that barn over there? That's a nice, sturdy barn. It could weather any storm Mother Nature throws at it. I built that barn with my own two hands, you know. Do they call me John the Barn Builder? No. No they don't." Next, John points to the fence next to ...

It wasn't easy, but me and my wife decided we do not want children

We will be telling them tomorrow.

Edit: They didn't take it that well, they just kept crying when we left them at gas station.

Edit 2: Oh, it's all fine, a group of old men comforted them and brought them to their van for sweets, we left in good faith.

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Two 80 year old men

Michael and John, who have been best friends since high school, have just spent the last of their retirement savings on a trip to Hawaii.

They check into their hotel and are furious when they find out that the lifts wont be working for another month and that their room is located on the 90th ...

A group of old men were sitting at a table...

A group of old men were sitting at a table. every so often they would call out a number like "13" or "7"and everyone would start laughing. a young bystander noticed this and thought it weird, so after it happened a couple more times he went over to the old men and asked them "excuse me sirs but can ...

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Two old men are comparing their sex lives:

Man 1: I can still do it twice!


Man 2: Which time do you enjoy the most?


Man 1: I think the winter.

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3 old men...

3 old men are talking in the park. "I had awfull problems with my liver, but I also know a realy good doctor who cured me." says the first one. "I had terible problems with my heart, but a realy good doctor cured me" says the second one. "I had some problems with my memory, but I'm now just like an ...

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Two old men are talking about life.

One says to the other, "I've been having trouble going to the toilet recently, waking up in the middle of the night to empty my bladder and can't go when I get there. Things are becoming really irregular. Do you have the same problems?"

The other old man replies, "Nope, perfectly regular. I p...

Old men poke me and say “You’re next “ at weddings

So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

[NSFW] Two old men are talking at home

The first asks the other, "What ever happened to that streaking trend?" The other man looks confused "What was that?" "It was when people would take off their clothes and run through the streets." "That sounds great I think I'll do that now." At 90 years he undressed and took off down the street an...

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Two old men were sitting at the park one day [NSFW]

One says to the other, "Oh, god, I'm so OLD! You won't even believe how old I am."

The other responds, "Oh, I think I can."

"You have no idea. I'm so old. You don't even know how old I am."

"Ok, stand up and I'll tell you how old you are."

First man stands up. Second man ...

Two old men were fishing

Two old men were fishing one day, under a bridge, when a funeral procession passed by overhead. One old man stood up, took his hat off and held it over his heart until they had passed by.

The other old man said "Wow Jim, I didn't know you could care about other people so much."

Jim s...

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Two old men are sitting on a bench

One of the men asks the other one.

-I was wondering, is the clitoris in the back or the front?

The other man thinks for a bit and replies.

-I am pretty sure that it is in the front.

To which the first man replies.

-I'll be damned, so I was licking a hemorrhoid all ...

What do ugly women and old men have in common?

They both have difficulty getting an erection.

Two old men are sitting on a park bench

One of them says: "You know what? I bet I can guess how old you are."

"50 bucks says you can't!"

"Alright, all I have to do is inspect your balls."

As the one gentleman drops his pants, the other one starts fondling his balls. He cautiously cups them, lifts them, juggles them f...

2 old men with alzheimer's are chatting about the good old day's

The one askes the other

'What's the name of the game reserve we use to go to every summer?'

The other guy thinks for a minute before he turns to his wife and asks...

'Honey, what do you call the red flower with the thorns on the stem?'

'A rose' she replys

He then a...

There's this one about two old men in the Explorer's Club...

And the elder of the two was describing his first trip to Africa on safari as a young lad.

"I rode through the jungle with the tribesmen and hunting party for days on end, and suddenly, out of the trees, came this huge tiger!"

His companion said "And what did you do, sir?"

"Well...

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