UPJOKE

Old Married Couple Jokes

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Old married couple play fart football .

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score…’

After ...

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An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.

She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."

"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.

"But what about the smell?" she asks.

The husband sa...

Old married couple

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said,

"Betty,soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know.

In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"


Bet...

Old married couple eating a quiet 50th anniversary dinner

A husband and a wife are celebrating their 50 year anniversary by having some dinner. After being together for so long they don’t have many secrets but the husband always wanted to know.

“Hey honey, have you ever cheated on me? We’ve been together so long it doesn’t even matter, but I’d li...

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An old married couple are reminiscing about their marriage

The husband says to the wife, "Do you remember when we first got married? Lived in that crappy little studio apartment, had that tiny black and white TV, and drove that rusty old Ford? My only consolation was getting to go to bed every night with a hot 22 year old. Now we have this huge house with a...

An old married couple is travelling on the road. Decided to take a room.

An old married couple is travelling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk ha...

An old married couple are in church one Sunday…

when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”.

The husband turned to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

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An old married couple

An ancient old couple were sitting in their rockers on their front porch, reflecting on life. Suddenly, the woman gets up and smacks the old man so hard he tumbles off the porch onto the ground.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That's for having such a tiny penis!" she answered.
He gets u...

Two old married couples are driving to dinner. The two old wives are sitting in the back seat, the two old husbands sitting in the front seat.

Two old married couples are driving to dinner. The two old wives are sitting in the back seat, the two old husbands sitting in the front seat.

"Where are we going for dinner?" Frank asks Harry.

"I forget," Harry says. "It's, uh... it's... what's the name of the flower, the red one?"<...

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Old married couple...

An old married couple are in bed making love one night, and the wife gets curious as to why her husband has insisted that the lights be off every time they make love, so she turns them on in the middle of the act and sees her husband under the blanket using a dildo on her. She immediately gets upset...

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An old married couple were sitting on the porch enjoying the sunset.

The old woman suddenly turned to her husband and smacked him across his face.

The old man was shocked. "Now why the hell you'd do that for, Ethel?"

"That was for forty years of bad sex," she said smugly.


A couple minutes passed and then the old man turned to his wife and sla...

An old married couple is laying in bed one night

And the woman turns to the man and says, "we're both old so one of us is going to die soon, but if I die first are you going to remarry?"

The man says, "No no, I will never remarry you're the only one for me."

But the wife insists and she says, "no I want you to remarry if I die, but t...

An old married couple go to the hospital

And as they are getting checked in the doctor says to the old man,

"I need a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood sample."

The old man being hard of hearing says, "what'd you say?"

and his wife replies, "He said they need to see your underwear*

An old married couple is talking...

...when the husband asks,"Sweetheart, have you ever slept with other men ?"

"No, I only slept with you. I was awake with the others."

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An old married couple were laying in bed one night...

An old married couple were in bed one night, about to go to sleep. All of a sudden the old man passes gas, loudly. The wife, annoyed, says "what on earth was that?!"

The old man thinks for a second, then says "Fart Football. 7-nothing!" The wife grumbles and they both go back to falling aslee...

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An old married couple are sitting on their porch one morning...

...when suddenly the old lady lashes out with her cane and hits her husband on the knee.

"Ow! What'd ya do that for?" He asked.

"That's for 60 years of bad sex!"

He stewed in silence a few moments, rubbing his knee. All of a sudden he took his cane and thumped his wife on her kn...

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So, an old married couple goes to the doc . . .

for their annual checkups. He sees the husband first, and he seems healthy, so the doc asks if he has any complaints. "Well, doc, we're having a little trouble having sex. When we do it the first time, I get all hot and sweaty, but the second time, I get chills, and I feel like I'm freezing." ...

An old married couple wins 10 million dollars from the lottery.

"What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?" the woman asks her husband.

"Keep sending them!"

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