UPJOKE

Oh Well Jokes

Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well.

It's not the end of the world.

A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said

"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady : "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed : "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!...

Wife is tired of me using trite, meaningless expressions and overusing contractions. Oh well...

It's what it's.

Oh well...

A man is concerned about the state of his marriage. He decides to spice things up, he leaves work early and comes home to find his wife, under the covers in bed napping. Without waking her up, he slides under the blanket and goes down on her. She starts moaning, squirming, and finally finishes. He g...

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant

He goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "$5"....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can I smell your pussy?

Oh well then it must be your feet.

Sorry for such a crude joke but this was my dad's favorite joke and he passed this morning. I hope you guys get a laugh or two it's what he would have wanted.

Edit: My dad would always tell me things I should post/comment on Reddit. It was our little ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad told me this one so it should probably go on r/dadjokes but oh well.

Two men go hunting and hunter 1 tells the other he has to take a leak. So he goes behind some trees and starts pissing. All of a sudden, a rattlesnake jumps out and bites his dick. He runs away to hunter 2 and says “oh my god man a snake just bit my dick please go get help!” So hunter 2 goes to find...

My wife wanted to name our child Lever, and while I convinced her otherwise, I didn’t really like the other name she chose either, but oh well,

Better Nate than Lever

I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

little boy walks by his mom's room and sees her fingering herself

She's in front of the mirror saying "I need a man, I need a man"
Weird the boy thinks and goes on about his business.
The next day, the same thing, "I need a man, I need a man"
Bitch is crazy, thinks the boy. Oh well, he goes on about his business.
The third day he walks by and a guy is ...

A Maori Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital , so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside:

'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
A guy walking past sees the sign and thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100, so he goes into the clinic.

Guy: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Doc; "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mout...

A man applies for a job at the circus

“What can you do?” asks the owner

“Really good bird impressions”

“Sorry we’ve got someone who can do those already”

“Oh well” said the man sadly, as he flew out of the tent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"TOMATO, POTATO, LETTUCES, GET YOUR VEGETABLES HERE!"

Shouted the man in the street, standing in front of boxes filled with vegetables trying to get people to buy them.

A woman then walks up to him and asks
"Can I have 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes, and 4 onions please ?"

the man says to her: "well I am very sorry but we don't have any onion...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife says to her husband, "I called the surgery saying I think I'm pregnant, and they said to bring in a specimen. What do they mean?"

He says "I don't know, but Mary next door has been pregnant loads of times, so why not go and ask her?"

So off she goes, and she comes back later with a fat lip, a thick ear, a nosebleed, a black eye, and half her clothing ripped to shreds, and her husband says "What in the name of Jesus, Mar...

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