The largest condom factory in the States burned down.
President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.
"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...
My wife just got out of the tub and was wrapped in a towel when she heard a knock
She went down to the door in her towel. She opened it to our neighbor, Bob.
Bob looks at her, and quickly says, "Look this might be weird but ill give you $800 if you drop the towel right now.
She proceeds to drop the towel, exposing herself to Bob.
Bob hands here the 800 dol...
A fish swam into a wall…
…“Oh damn!” she said…
Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?
Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly.
"Oh damn, shots fired!"
But not by the pizza guy.
A friend didn't responded the call till few hours later.
Me: Hey what happened? You haven't recieved my call for few hours?
Friend: Oh yeah I was at the hospital.
Me: Is everything okay?
Friend: Oh Im fine, its just my uncle. He's son couldnt speak or walk now.
Me: OH DAMN IS HE OKAY?!?
Friend: Hes fine, hes just born an...
My favorite Russian joke translated
An eskimo on his way home hails a taxi. As he's getting in, the taxi driver says "if you guess my riddle I'll take you home for free". The Eskimo says "ok go".
– Ok, he looks like me but isn't me.
– Hmm a raindeer?
– Nope.
– Shoot I give up.
– My brother!
– ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Adam was sitting under the apple tree in the Garden of Eden.
He was looking very content, smoking a cigarette. God saw this and appeared before Adam. God asks Adam "So, how do you like Eve?" Adam replies "Eve is just great, thank you so much for creating her." God then asks "Do you like the vagina? Any complaints, I spent a lot of time trying to get it r...
Doctor to Old man "I've got bad news and really bad news"...
Old man-"Whats the really bad news?"
Dr- "You have cancer"
Old man- "oh damn, so... what's the bad news?"
Doc- you have Alzheimer's"
Old man....."well, at least I don't have cancer!"
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