UPJOKE

Offended By Jokes

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Everyone who defended trump for saying grab them by the pussy is offended by cardi b's sing WAP

Guess there's only a problem when it's wet

I just found out some people are offended by dry humor.

They must try drinking water.

Why do blind people get so offended by every joke?

It's all dark humour.

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I wasn't the only one in my house who was offended by the overly sexual nature of this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Even my teenage son ran to his room so he wouldn't have to watch it.

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People are offended by the smallest things these days

So please keep your dick in your pants

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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

Edit: Thanks to everyone that found this joke funny. To all those I offended...

Why doesn't anybody get offended by Irish jokes?

Because they are ALL TRUE!

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There are several distinct cultural differences between Australian and America. For example, Americans are really offended by the word cunt...

Conversely, Australians are really offended by schools being shot up.

People who get offended by crucifixion jokes seem rather cross.

I don't get what their hangup is.

To everyone who gets offended by comedians making inappropriate jokes. Have you ever just wished that you could slap them silly? well fear not..

Where there's a Will there's a way.

I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much...

They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs

Being offended by a joke is like

Paying tax on comedy,..

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

Union Dues

A union boss at a convention in Las Vegas decides to visit a brothel. He asks the madam, "Is this a union house?" "No, I'm sorry, it isn't," she says. "Well, if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks. "The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20." Offended by such unfair dealings, the man stomps o...

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A small Muslim boy is lost in the supermarket...

so he runs to an employee and says, "I've lost my mother!"

The employee leans down and asks "What does your mother look like?"

The kid wipes his eyes and looks at the employee. "I have no fucking idea."

Edit: I'm sorry to those that are getting offended/angry/and are calling me ...

I asked my Latino friend if Mexicans are offended by all the talk of building a wall on the southern border...

He said, "Eh... we'll get over it"

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Fifty Shades got $47 Million at the box office...

There seems to be a lot of women who don't get offended by a billionaire grabbing a girl by the pussy.

Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.

The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.

I am extremely offended by the song "God is Dead" by Black Sabbath. How can Ozzy Osbourne possibly sing that?

...when Tony Iommi is standing right next to him, alive and well.

I was hoping 2019 would be a year where people stopped getting offended by everything, but boy was I wrong. All I said was "I hope you start off the new year on the right foot"

Damn amputees

I overheard two women at the coffee shop having a lurid conversation about Bukkake.

One woman apologized and asked if I was offended by the topic.

I told her that I didn't mind and she was welcome to talk about it until she was blew in the face.

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

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I'm 17 and I like to write jokes in my spare time. Thought reddit might like to hear some.

I think blonde jokes are awful. I mean, the poor things don't even understand them.

So I got this pair of shoes that cost me an arm and a leg. Luckily, my mom still pays for everything.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 11 people are offended by this joke.

I've yet to be dispr...

Why don’t church ladies like chicken?

They’re offended by their fowl language.

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Remembered this joke a while ago, and didn't see it on this sub, so decided to share.

Before the start of the lesson, the girls from Johnny's class come to see the teacher to complain about Johnny's inappropriate comments towards them.

The teacher told the girls to walk out of the class the next time they get offended by one of Johnny's comments and she will then deal with him...

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An american goes to britian shortly after the revolutionary war

While walking through the streets, he got looks of disgust, rude comments, or no attention at all. Eventually, one family kindly invites the man over to dinner.They start eating and talking, but the american says he has to use the bathroom. He asks where the bathroom is to go and do his business. Wh...

A critic reads what the local newspapers say about him

The papers say that everything he says seems to contradict itself. Baffled and deeply offended by this, the critic loudly proclaimed:


"My rage is indescribable!"

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All Lawyers are Bums

A man walks into a bar, clearly agitated. He orders a shot and downs it almost instantly.

He orders three more before banging both fists on the table and declaring, “All lawyers are bums!”

He does this a few times; orders more alcohol, drinks it, and yells the same thing:

“Al...

What do nerds and Creationists have in common?

They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.

I don't know about ya'll...

But I think that incest is best kept in the family.

If you're offended by this joke, I understand. It's a touchy subject.

It also gives a new meaning to "family fun time."

I'm sure that wasn't what dad meant when he said "come here, son."

My sister told me I'm better i...

Dark Humour is like a cure....

Not everyone gets it.

Offended by that? Dark humour is like a Make-A-Wish Child.

It never gets old.

An imam, a priest and a rabbi are having a discussion about what they do with the money they receive from worshippers.

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor...

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Dave went in a public toilet to make his bussines when next to him comes a black man.

Really impresed by the man's attributes he could not not ask him:
How come that you black men have a really big whiney?
The guy, offended by the racial stereotype, replied:
Well, every morning I smash it as much as I can on the table. In two week it grows almost a centimeter.
"Cool" ! T...

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Did you hear that the Irish are protesting for the removal of the Leprechaun image on the Lucky Charms box because it's offensive?

Just kidding, the Irish aren't offended by jack shit because they're not pussies.

What do you call a group of disabled people in a pool?

Vegetable soup.



I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another;

Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair into the oven

This lady was walking by a pet shop.....

...with a parrot in the window. As she's passing by the parrot squawks

"rrrawww.... Lady, you're ugly!!"

She is so offended by this that she storms into the store and demands to speak to the pet shop owner. she tells him "Your parrot just insulted me!" The pet shop owner apologized an...

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A priest goes fishing with his friend Maricio.

This his his first time, so his friend had to show him the basics. When the priest feels a bite, hooks the biggest fish Maricio has seen and reels it up, his friend is naturally surprised.


"Whoa. Look at that bastard."


The priest, naturally offended by his curse, is told by hi...

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The Duchess and the Butler.

The Duchess arrived home early having imbibed a little too much wine. When about to enter her bedroom she noticed her butler Jeeves down the hallway.


"Jeeves," she called, "Come here immediately," Yes Ma'am," answered Jeeves.

She sat on the bed and asked Jeeves to sit beside...

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An older woman gets pulled over for speeding.

While cruising along the highway, an older woman gets pulled over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car, the woman rolls down her window and asks "Is there a problem, officer?"

 

The officer replies "Ma'am, you were speeding" to which woman simply replies "Oh, I see...

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A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood

(the African jungle, in fact) and was surprised to hear a strange noise coming from a nearby clearing. Peeping out from between the trees, he saw a female elephant weeping in distress, so he swaggered up to her and said "It's okay, chill, I'm not gonna hurt you."

And the elephant looked dow...

The mysterious stain, the ladies and the young foreign janitress

The story takes place at the third floor of a great building of New-York, where at 9am Mrs. Smith is leaving her flat as usual. While locking the door, she accidentally walks into a sticky stain. She leans down to find out what that white and sticky substance is, and she screams : "Oh My God ! This ...

Engineering

A doctor, a priest, and an engineer are out golfing one day. To their dismay, they are stuck behind a very very slow threesome of men who cannot hit the ball in the right direction no matter what they do. The doctor flags over the course owner and asks him why these guys are so terrible, and if it w...

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