UPJOKE

Not On My Watch Jokes

A man was brought to the ER badly injured from an accident. “We’re losing him!” said a nurse.

“Not on my watch!” said the surgeon, who clocked out and went home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not on my Watch

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

i once lost my watch..

i once lost my watch at a party. after an hour of searching, i saw a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. i immediately went to him, kicked him, and saved the woman. no one ever harasses a female, not on my watch



edit- damn this blew up like a time bomb

The Government are looking to stop doing Roman numerals on clocks!

Not on my watch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at a party...

I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was sexually assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. No...

I lost my watch at a party.

After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody tre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] My girlfriend asked me if I could try fisting her...

I said "No, there won't be any of that crap... not on my watch."

Everyone's using 24hr clock these days but I don't like it.

Not on my watch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at a party recently when I happened to notice my wristwatch was missing.

I looked for the watch for a bit asking people if they'd seen it, but didn't have any luck. It wasn't an expensive watch so I wasn't too worried about it and eventually gave up.

Then, later in the evening, I saw a couple that I didn't recognize from across the room who appeared to be having ...

I used to be a cop and one night after pulling someone over, he asked if he could pee on my wrist.

I said " Not on my watch "

I dropped my Rolex in a club. Some guy was assaulting the bartender near where i'd dropped it.

I walk over and push this guy out the way and call the cops on him. Then I grab my Rolex and think, "Not on my watch!"

I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.

Not on my watch.

I rocked up to a party the other night and was having a great time.

I got a bit tipsy and looked down at my wrist, my watch was missing. So off I go out the front to see if I dropped it. I get out there and I see this drunk guy screaming at his gf, I look down and he's crushing my watch under his foot. I ran straight over and punched him out cold. You don't mistreat...

Apple just came out with a new WatchOS update, but I rejected it.

Not on my watch.

My mother bought me a nice watch as a birthday gift to me last month.

I wore it on my birthday party and was having a really good time. After a few drinks and chats with my friends, I realized that I had lost my watch. So I started looking for it. While at it, I heard some girl screaming. I looked over and saw a guy was beating his girlfriend who was stepping on m...

Call me a luddite, but I feel the need to be vigilant about having too many connected devices.

Google accessing biometrics via wrist wear? Not on my watch.

"We're losing him!" shouted the physician assistant halfway through the surgery

"Not on my watch!" shouted the surgeon.


And he runs out of the operating room.

Rotating bezel? Personalized engraving? Date display?

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

Franky was enjoying himself at a nightclub

During the events of the night he lost his watch and couldn't find it anywhere he looked, so he figured he'd just settle his losses and move on.

Later in the night he saw a man standing on his watch, this man was harassing a girl who clearly didn't want to dance with him, so Franky walked up ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is a bad one

I was once at a party. After some time I noticed that I lost my watch. I was looking for it everywhere. I finally saw it laying on the floor on the other side of the room. When I got there, I witnessed how some guy stepped on it, while harassing a girl. Filled with rage I went up to him and punched ...

So I was at a party some years ago with my new watch.

Unfortunately while I was there I found that ny watch had been stolen. I searched the party for hours trying to find, I was going completely mad. As the party started to wind down I began to lose hope of ever finding. Until I saw some douchebag harassing a some random girl, he was grabbing her arm, ...

24 hour time format mandatory in my office?

Not on my watch!

Disney is attempting to take over and brainwash our country by bringing back '80s Mickey Mouse merchandise

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

I lost my watch at a club last night. I thought I would never find it, but I decided to try.Sure enough I found it, but there was a dude standing on it.

The worst part was, he was being very handsy with this women. When she made it very clear that she didn't want "it" he slapped her. That's when I sprung into action and knocked him out. Because you don't hit a women. Not on my watch.!!

A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.

I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch"

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