UPJOKE

No Strings Attached Jokes

A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it

I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached

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Did you know Tampax gives away slightly defective tampons for free?

No strings attached.

My girlfriend told me she prefers No Strings Attached.

And then the removed my parachute midair b

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A fragile looking old man approaches a young woman at a grocery store.

He says, "Excuse me. I know this is going to sound awkward, but I was wondering if I could pay you to have sex with me."

She slaps him in the face and says, "I'm married. How dare you?"

He replies, "I didn't mean to offend you. Maybe you could ask him if he would be OK with it."
...

I’m selling a guitar for £5

No strings attached.

I'm giving away a couple of puppets, if anyone is interested

No strings attached.

I made a dating app for marionettes, and it failed.

Everyone wanted No Strings Attached dating.

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Two doctors

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doc...

My friend found an old broken puppet and he said I can have it

No strings attached

I’m selling a broken marionette. There is no shipping fee, no taxes, or any extra cost.

There are no strings attached.

How coul I have known I was getting ripped off buying this marionette?

It even said no strings attached

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Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don’t know, I mean I didn’t get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn’t that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked...

My yo-yo business is failing, and I don’t know why!

People usually love a “no strings attached” policy!

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

Dating life

If my relationship doesn't work out I want to be a suicide hotline doctor... I need a nice way to meet chicks with no strings attached.

Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo?

No strings attached

I once met a very misfortunate polyamorous musician

He was in a no strings attached relationship with his guitar.

How do you tell if a Guitar Shop is Shady?

The Employees tell you "there's no strings attached."

I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.

No strings attached.

As my parachute failed and I was falling, I realized why.

The seller said no strings attached.

One-night stands are great with drummers

As opposed to guitarists, there's no strings attached.

This guy at the beach offered me a free kite. I turned him down. You know why?

He said the deal was no strings attached.

My friend rents out broken kites, no contracts or lease required.

No strings attached

Disclaimer: I know this joke is stupid. My 5 year old nephew did not tell me this.

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My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

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You ladies who only use tampons should really give pads a try. I'll even send you a sample for free.

No strings attached

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What is Pinocchio's favourite kind of sex?

No strings attached.

The sign on the music shop read "Get Your Free Guitar Now! No Terms and Conditions applied".

Bob quickly got hold of one of them and unpacked the package. He was surprised to see that the guitar lacked strings.

I guess you could say:
"There were no strings attached."

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Tampons on sale

A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"

She says to the assistant. “What's the catch"?

The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.”

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A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?

The sales attendant rep...

While buying a new guitar from the local pawn shop, I asked if there was anything I needed to know about this guitar or my purchase.

He replied "No strings attached."

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Tell your female friends that they can get 100 tampons for a dollar...

No strings attached. For a limited period only.

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5 boxes for a dollar...

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."

Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.

He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar...

A really kind old man tried to sell me an expensive marionette for $5

I thought this was a great offer and bought it straight away, but now I understand what he meant by "$5, no strings attached".

A man returns to the music shop with his new guitar

He goes up to the manager and complains "How could you sell this to me?"

The manager responds "What's the problem? We sold you a guitar, no strings attached!"

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A black guy, white guy, asian guy and hand puppet are sitting in a bar...

The black guy says, "You know the thing about dating black girls? They're crazy in bed, but you can never trust them around other guys."

The white guy says, "White girls are cute, but they're always spoiled and high-maintenance."

The asian guy says, "Asian girls are intelligent, but th...

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EXCLUSIVE OFFER: 1,000 tampons for only $5

No strings attached.

The musical doctor

Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.

Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.

Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?

...

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My wife saw an ad in a window

Which said "tampons 50cents"
Is that true, she asked the shopkeeper...
Very true, he said...."no strings attached"

Why do people who like bondage shy away from anonymous one-night stands?

There's no strings attached.

A Man is in an Awful Car Accident [Long]

A man is in an awful car accident - so bad, that he is literally, well, decapitated.



Thanks to the miracle of science, however, his body was no longer needed, and his head was attached to a bionic system which made him stronger, faster, and he would live longer with it.


...

The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.

Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."

Pope Francis sa...

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