UPJOKE

No Respect Jokes

No Respect

"A girl phoned me up the other day and said, 'Come on over, no one is home.'

I went over there.

And nobody was home!"

Rodney Dangerfield

What are some of your favourites from Mr. No Respect?

I have no respect for those in wheel chairs who remain silent when people make fun of their disability

Stand up for yourself!

No Respect

My doctor said "Stop eating anything fatty."

I said "What? No bacon, no chips?"

He said "No fatty, stop eating anything."

I Don’t Get No Respect

I went into a bar and asked for a double. The bartender went into the back and came out with a guy who looked like me.
-Rodney Dangerfield

No Respect

A manager of a company used to boss around. He often nagged at his staff members and insisted that they should show him more respect.

One morning, he brought a sign that read" I AM THE BOSS" and hung it on his office door.

Later, he returned after his lunch break only to find a taped n...

People have no respect for others time nowadays

Some guy asked me to go sacrifice goats to satan in the woods and they didn’t even show up, incredibly rude.

As a kid I got no respect , I played hide and seek

They wouldn't even look for me

I get no respect, I tell ya

The other day I tell the cabbie "To the hospital!"

So he backed over me.

I have no respect for invertebrates...

They are so spineless.

My wife thinks I’m nosey, shameless and have no respect for her privacy.

Honestly, the things she writes about me in her diary are often really mean.

My friend Robbie shocked and hurt me. He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend!

It totally ruined our bath!

I have no respect for mules.

Everything they do is half-assed.

I got my son a bow & arrow set for his birthday, what does he get me for mine? … a T-shirt with a bullseye on the back.

I get no respect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn

The estate of Rodney Dangerfield has recently started a campaign against internet scammers.

If the scammers don’t send Rodney Dangerfield’s estate money, they are threatening to send the scammers nude pictures of Rodney Dangerfield.

No respect!

A teenager at a funeral asks the priest for the wifi password.

The priest is shocked and asks the boy "Have you no respect for the dead?"

The boy hears the priests and responds, "Is that uppercase or lowercase?"

Fedex

Fedex is like my ex, no communication, no respect for my stuff, it never seems to come and somehow it makes me think it's my fault.

Friend of mine just got his wife pregnant. Told him it reminded me of this joke.

This very young and innocent country girl fell madly in
love with this Greek guy and was determined to marry him.
Her mother tried hard to stop her, but when she knew she
couldn't stop her daughter, she said to her, "Listen child,
marry him and may you live happily ever after. But t...

Last week my house was on fire. The kids were screaming.

My wife told them, 'be quiet or you'll wake your father!'

I tell ya I get no respect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked this beautiful young lady in the bar last night where she had been all my life

She looked me over, and replied "Well, for the first half of it, I hadn't been born yet".

Then I told her I really wanted to get into her pants, and she said "I don't know why, I already have one asshole in there".

I tell ya I get no respect, no respect at all

What's the difference between a Necron and a Lawyer?

One is an emotionless robot with no respect for human life, the other is a faction in warhammer 40k

I told my son about the birds and the bees...

He told me about my wife and the mail man. I get no respect

How To Translate Work Emails

I have a question. = I have 18 questions.

I’ll look into it. = I’ve already forgotten about it.

I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.

Happy to discuss further. = Don’t ask me about this again.

No worries. = You really messed up...

Two old soldiers are reflecting during a visit to the town where they grew up.

The first soldier had had both arms amputated at the elbow following after the war, and the second both legs at the knee.

After a while of gazing upon old buildings and storefronts, the men come across a statue in the town park; the statue shows signs of age and neglect.

The second rem...

Jokes

1. Something said in the pursuit of laughter.

2. A short tale with an end worth laughs after.

3. A noun you expect

commands no respect.

Root word "jocus". This limerick: disaster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A radio show is hosting a game where listeners call in with a new word.

Radio Host: Hey all you listeners out there, time for another round of "New Word". As a reminder of the rules, you have to give me a word that does not exist in the dictionary and you have to say a phrase that uses that word.
Caller: Hello?...
Radio Host: Hello caller, you are live on Radi...

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