UPJOKE

No Limbs Jokes

What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no limbs?

Names.

There's only one place you can find someone with no limbs.

Right where you left them.

What do you call a dog with no limbs?

Doesn't really matter it won't come anyway

21st birthday

A little boy is born with a terrible birth defect - he has only a head, no torso, no limbs.

On his 21st birthday, his friends take him to the bar to celebrate. One of them pours his first beer down his throat - and poof! All of a sudden, a neck and torso pop out of his head.

His fri...

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What do you call a blind deer?

No eye deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no limbs?

Still no eye deer.

What do you call a castrated blind deer with no limbs?

Still no fucking eye deer.

An ad in the newspaper

A woman's husband ran away, taking all their money and valuables. She eventually decides to move on by looking for love in the newspaper.

Her ad read: "Seeking lover.
•must not steal.
•must not run away.
•must be great in bed. "

A few days later, the doorbell rings. She o...

A lady on the beach

There was a lady lying on the beach one day who had no arms and legs. Whenever a handsome fellow would walk by her though she would start crying, and eventually one stopped and asked her "what is wrong?" She replied with "Since I have no limbs, nobody has ever hugged me before." The man feeling ba...

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A guy is walking along the beach..

When he notices a limbless woman sitting in the sand alone crying. He approaches her and asks her what's wrong.

Woman: I'm sitting here crying because I have no limbs, and because of that no man has ever wanted to fuck me.

Man: Well, lady.. I think I can help you with that.

He ...

So a head rolls into a bar...

This guy only has a head. No neck, no torso, no limbs.

He gets helped up onto the bar and asks for whiskey on ice, with a bendy straw so he can drink, and the bartender obliges.

He starts talking with the bartender and the other guy at the bar, answering questions about how he lives wi...

A man is sitting in the waiting room of a hospital.

He is visibly nervous. Can't stop biting his nails. He's sweating like a pig. Finally, a doctor comes to greet him.

"Your wife is doing okay, sir. Congratulations: you just became a father."

The man has never been so happy in his whole life.
"Actually, sir" says the doctor, "there h...

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A Limbless Girl

One day a boy was walking out on his favourite pier at the beach to enjoy the view. As he came closer to the end, he noticed a girl with no limbs sitting on a bench crying.

The boy asked, “why are you crying?”

The girls responded, “no one has ever given me a hug before.”

So the...

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A wealthy widow decides to get remarried.

So she decides to post an ad in the newspaper.

I am a wealthy widow looking for a new husband. All I ask are three things. 1: he musn't beat me. 2: he musn't walk over me. 3: he must be good in bed. Apply in person at xxx widow's peak.

At 8:00 am the following day, her doorbell rang. W...

The sad tale of George and Karen.

George and Karen were highschool sweet hearts, and got married at 19. They were the perfect couple. Except for one thing.

For ten years, George and Karen gave it their all to have a baby. They calculated her cycles, ate right, and went to doctors. But, in the end Geroge just didn't produce en...

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