UPJOKE

No Ears Jokes

No ears

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way.

One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no ears

A man with no ears is trying to find a news reporter for his news show.

The first guy walks in and the boss says, "'This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?" And the guy says, "'Well, shit! You got no ears, man!" So the boss yells, ·Get the f\*\...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. But he was born with no ears.

Johnny and his mom went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or else he would get a spanking.

Johnny looked at the baby and said, "my, what a lovely baby, beautiful feet, hands and skin. How is his eyesight?"

The baby's mom said it was perfect.

Johnny ...

What do you call bears with no ears?

B



I'm sorry

What do you call someone with no ears?

Whatever you want

Did you hear about the people in Florida with no ears?

Neither did they.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Boss With No Ears

A successful businessman owns his own company. While he is quite accomplished, he has a very short temper, especially regarding his physical deformity - he was born with no ears.

He is holding interviews with potential new employees. The first interviewee has pretty good credentials, and his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim is a man with no ears and he starts his own business

First thing he needs to do is hire an assistant.
As a kid with no ears, Jim was bullied mercilessly and is extremely sensitive about it.
The first interview goes pretty well and Jim asks at the end "do you notice anything different about me"?
The person blurts out "yeah, you don't hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the CEO with no ears?

There was a CEO with no ears and he was hiring new employees, the interviews went a little like this:


The first interview went fine for the most part but then came the last question.


CEO: Alright, the jobs requirement is to be very keen to detail. Tell me, what is something you...

What do you call a creature with 6 legs, 3 eyes, 2 noses and no ears?

Anything you want, it can't hear you

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade

, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the G...

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears?

A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

The convicted Australian criminal Mark "Chopper" Reid, who had his ears cut off in prison, wrote a book called No Tears for a Tough Guy.

Maybe it should've been called No Ears for a Tough Guy.

Little Johnny’s neighbour

Little Johnny's neighbour just had a baby. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears. When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ...

I was told this by my S/O 4yr old as she was eating on the floor

Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?
Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?...
Had me cracking up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian guy, a Russian guy, and a Polish guy are waiting for a job interview.

An Italian guy, a Russian guy, and a Polish guy are sitting in a waiting room, waiting to be called in for a job interview.

The Italian is called into the manager's office first.

The manager is a nice looking, normal guy, but he has no ears. The Italian takes a seat.

"For this ...

Paddy's and Murphy's Pigs

Paddy and Murphy went out one day and each bought a pig.

When they got home, Paddy turned to Murphy and said, "Murphy, how we gonna tell who owns which pig?"

Murphy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one a ta' ears off my pig, and ten we can tell 'em apart."

"Ah, tat'd be grand," says ...

Two brothers and their donkeys

Two brothers argue on which of the two donkeys is theirs,
so the first man says, ” I’ll cut an ear off of my donkey and the donkey with only one ear will be mine you take the other one”. So they come to an agreement. At night the donkey with one ear looks at the other donkey with two ears in jea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, an Irishman, and a Polack are in line for a job interview.

The Italian is up first. He walks into the boss’s office and notices the boss is completely ear-less.

The boss says to him “Mr. Marino, I don’t have a lot of time so I’ll get to the point. I like people who are observant and can speak their mind. Say one thing about me!”

The Italian sa...

Two farmers each buy a pig at the market

The farmers, let’s call them Clarence and Earl (because those are the only names I can think of that sound like the names farmers would have), decide that in order to save money they would keep the pigs in the same pen. Clarence then tells Earl, “let’s clip the ear off of one of the pigs so we can t...

Did you know Adam cut his wife's ears off to celebrate the first year?

Adam: "Happy no ears, Eve!"

Why don't snakes wear glasses?

No ears.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.