Next Year Jokes

I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

Not every one of you, of course.

The whole team already bought tickets.

to be able to post this in a different sub.

It's going to be Excel Lent

Hers is in February and mine in July

You know U.K. dentistry is bad when the King can't even get a dentist appointment.

Immigrants should be allowed to put whatever head dress they prefer.

Jerry Springer.

… because it’s your sixty-second year.

So we suffered through 2020 already, and I know if felt like 2020 won, but next year is 2020 too!

They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What’s that board for?"
The tr... read more

But I can't find any information about what happens there

For about 19 days.

It’s 2020 too. And we know this year that 2020 won.

I'm not joking

After a year she gave birth in a hospital. The nurse congratulated the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. What's the secret?"... read more

missed opportunity to call it zuck buck

That's my 2020 vision.

Those jokes are a decade old now!

Cause it’ll be easier to count

Remains to be seen.

So I can see in 2020

I'm now dealing with emotional baggage.

see everything so clearly because hindsight is 2020

... then probably next year I'll be able to go for a Lambo"

I have 20/20 vision.

Happy holidays folks.

Because hindsight is always 20/20

2021.

I have 20 20 vision!

Imagine how kids in 1999 felt when their dad told them "See you next Millennium"

I am! It's the first time we will see 2020.

So it would be 2022.

and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice car,” I said as he got out. “Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks, “Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an even better one next year.” (Credit The Joke Cafe https://thejokecafe.com)

So i can C# in 2020

1920 x 1080

I told her that I didn't have any clue due to the debilitating state of my eyesight. Ever since I was four years old, I have had severe astigmatism and the diametric measurement of my foveal avalascular zone. When I was seventeen, I was told of the very real possibility of being blind and the age of... read more

Then he left to go get a pack of cigarettes... It’s 2019, and he’s not back yet.

They are calling it the Apollo-G.

A man goes hunting and runs into a bear. He takes dead aim and fires. When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. The bear taps him on the shoulder and says: bend over or I eat you. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. When the smoke clears, the... read more

Please don't call him Kilometers.

It just doesn't translate.

He meets with the captain who gives him a tour, and tells him the way things are done on this ship. After the tour the young officer asks his captain “Sir we’re going to be on this boat for the next year, how do you guys last that long without the company of a woman?”. The captain ushers the young o... read more

I'm going to give my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “Toys not included.”

I call it 2020 vision.

Everyone is going to have 2020 vision

He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles

I'm offering odds of 20 2 1.

That would be a nice New Year's resolution.

It's a huge challenge, but 26 miles in 365 days is definitely doable.

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

What's the catch?

And I plan on sticking to it.

I said, “Don’t worry. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

He called it “2020 Vision.”

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t... read more

One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.

Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.

A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate,... read more

It has a a vertical resolution that is over 9000.

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

He says to his wife, “I’m getting up there in age, and I’ve always wanted to ride in a helicopter.”

His wife says, “absolutely not. 50 bucks is 50 bucks. You don’t need to ride in a helicopter.”

The next year at the fair, he sees the helicopter booth again and he asks again. The conver... read more

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,... read more