My friend, Pandora, wants to "take our friendship to the next level"

I said I'm not really ready to open that box.

My friend just told me that he "took that s**t to the next level"

he s>!ha!<t himself in an elevator

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My gf complained that I’m always taking shit to the next level

So I promised to stop pooping in elevators

I took NNN to the next level

I haven’t nutted all year!

I know a guy who takes denial to the next level.

He doesn't believe in stairs.

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When my upstairs neighbor uses the toilet

It's some next level shit

Little Johnny gets caught playing doctor with the neighbour girl.

Dad doesn’t approve thinking Johnny is on track to knock up a young teen in a few years.
“Johnny, you know that girls have teeth down there?
“What, are you lying?”
“Nope, you need to keep clear of that business son”

Years later in high school Johnny starts dating a girl but after s...

Woman calls the cops to complain about a neighbour harassing her

The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes.
Cop: Yes Mam, tell me who’s this person and what are they doing ?

Woman: he lives in the flat one floor above and is constantly looking at me, when I’m in my bathroom. Such a creep.

Cop: ( a bit confused) can...

I left my sandwich in the elevator at work.

I wanted to take my lunch to the next level

Mr Horse has always wanted to play the guitar...

So he starts going for lessons and after a few months he is quite good so he calls on his friend Mr Pig who plays the piano because he would like to start a band. They write some songs and play at some venues but all the fans say that they need a vocalist to take their band to the next level. So the...

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The Levels of Death

A man dies and arrives in Hell. He looks around. The sky is gloomy and rainy. He’s approached by an old man. The old man says, “Hello. Welcome to Hell. Let me show you around.” So the old man starts to show him around. He shows the man to a rundown shack and says, “This is where you’ll sleep.” He th...

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The ground floor toilets were out of order. So I had to use the ones on the floor above.

That was some next level shit

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My dog took a shit in the living room on the second floor

Now that's some next level shit

An antelope and a lion are star crossed lovers

One day, the antelope decides they should take it to the next level

Antelope: let's run away and get married, Lion!

Lion: I cantaloupe

A man is on an elevator delivering jokes to children at a children's hospital when someone gets off at a floor and asks "Do you need to make a delivery on this floor?"

The man replies "no, this joke is next level"

Jesus was a gamer.

After respawning he went to the next level.

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A man dies and goes to heaven...

Here's one I heard a while ago, not sure if it's been on here before. Works better if read aloud.

John finds himself in heaven after dying in a car accident. He sees nothing but a golden ladder ahead of him and a sign telling him to climb it. He begins to climb, up through a layer of clouds....

Possibly the same nursing home.

An old man and woman become very close at a nursing home. He wants to take their friendship to the next level, but the old woman doesn't want to. He convinces her one day to "just hold it". She does this end enjoys being intimate with a man again. They continue this every day at the same time, in th...

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People don't make a big deal about elevators, but they are really ahead of their time...

It's some next level shit.

Weight loss

A guy learns about a new workout method - rapid weight reduction guaranteed. He calls the company, they make an appointment for the standard package .

At the given time it knocks on his door. He opens and there is this really nice girl in a tight running outfit - she winks at him and says- ...

Climb the ladder

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
...

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The Ladder to success

A man is walking down the street and he comes across a ladder that reaches all the way up to the clouds. On the ladder there is a note that only says "Ladder To Success". He stares at it in bewilderment but decides to give it a shot. After climbing for hours he finally reaches the clouds. A morbidly...

Coordinate planes are kinda like relationships.

You meet a person, decide to take it to the next level, they break up with you, and you wonder why they did.

I guess you could say they are now your x and you’re wondering y

This guy and I were arguing in an elevator when all of the sudden it turned into a fist fight

We really took it to the next level

Adblocking software

So these IT professionals were discussing the new internet protection softwares they were installing at work.

The first one says “my new system blocks ads, and with Godzilla level protection refuses to show images with flesh tones.”

The next one says “my new system blocks ads, and wit...

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Fox goes to Amsterdam

(This was told to me by a Bulgarian guy...)

So the fox has just come back from a weekend break in Amsterdam, and managed to sneak some high-grade weed back with her. It's a beautiful sunny day, so she decides to relax at a nearby lake and smoke a joint.

She's just sparked up when a fro...

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Two buddies are drinking at a bar..

.. having a good time. The older man mentions that he needs some relationship advice, that he has a big-time crush but isn't sure if they reciprocate.

The younger guy encourages him, saying he just needs to communicate it or maybe booze dat ass up and see where things go.

The older gu...

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