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Newbies Jokes

A terrorist is training a group of newbies

"Alright class, listen closely as I can only show you how to do this ONCE"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump is exiting the White House and heading into his limo...

...when someone pulls out a gun and aims it at him.

A newbie secret service agent, spotting it first yells:"MICKEY MOUSE!".

The would be assassin stops in confusion, giving the other agents time to pin down and arrest him.

When the press reports were over, the newbies supervisor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going to the gym for the new year

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that it's the new year I'm sick of all the gym rats bitching and moaning about all us newbies taking up space in their gyms," the guy complains to the bartender. "We didn't complain when they came to use our pubs in December."

A group of old friends met at a resort for their annual vacation.

They had a long-standing tradition of sharing jokes with each other. They’d been doing this so long that they just assigned numbers to the jokes to make it easier to tell them.

Someone would shout out “24” or “13” and everyone would laugh.

This went on for a long and then one person y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No kidding

After graduating from the Naval Academy, my first ship I was assigned to was a battleship. The captain briefed us on our duties and then we disembarked. It was a very uneventful mission. We went. We did what we needed to do. We came back. When we got back, the captain had all of the newbies tie down...

2 guys go moose hunting for the 1st time

They stop at a gun shop to get all the gear they will need. The clerk helping them out decided to have a little fun with the newbies.


CLERK: Best way to hunt a moose is in one of these female moose costumes. You both get in it, make a moose mating call, when the male moose shows up just...

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