UPJOKE

New Glasses Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I stopped by the optician's to pick up my new glasses.

Once the optician finished he minor adjustments, my wife looked up at me and said, "Wow, you look amazing! Like Clark Kent!" It made me smile...

We had other errands to run, and the compliments just kept coming; "You look like a movie star! So sexy!" Man, I felt great. In fact this kept up f...

My plan for tomorrow is to get some new glasses

After that I guess I’ll just see what happens

I think I might need new glasses

I saw a cute girl at the mall far away from me so I went to her to ask for her number.

When I got close, he was uglier than I expected.

I got some new glasses and I had someone say I am looking good!

Not sure how they know how well I can see out of my glasses but I appreciated the attention!

Son is asking his dad for money to buy new glasses

Son: Dad my glasses broke i need new one

Dad: Get a job and buy them yourself. What do i look like, a bank?

Son: I don't know i can't f*cking see!

My wife just got back from the opticians with her new glasses. "How do I look?" she asked

"Through the glass bits!!!" I said.

What have the programmer said after getting his new glasses?

Damn, it's good to C#.

A Polish man goes into the optometrist to get new glasses.

The optometrist holds up an eye chart and asks "What do you make of this?" The man responds, "I went to school with that guy."

New glasses

"New glasses? They look super, man!"
Clark Kent begins to sweat.

My new glasses are going to take 6 to 8 weeks to arrive.

I can't wait to have 2020 vision!

Jokes about Dad's new glasses

My Dad needs glasses for the first time. He's in his 50s and needs them for reading small print. Happens to most people with age. No biggie...
-
However, I have worn glasses from a young age and he mocked me mercilessly for being a specky four-eyes with neverending delight. So now I have my op...

I walked into the wrong opticians to collect my new glasses.

Should've gone to SpecSavers.

Optician.

A man goes to the opticians to get a new pair of glasses, the optician checks his records and finds that the man only had new glasses less than six months before. so he says to the man, "How did you break them, if it was in an accident, we might be able to replace them free."

the man says, "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A demisexual and a quoiromantic walk into a bar

"...MAYBE WE NEED NEW GLASSES."

A- What are you doing tomorrow?

B- I'm getting new glasses because mine broke
A- And after?
B- I will see

"What are you up to today?"

-"We're going to pick up new glasses."

-"And then?"

-"And then we'll see what happens."

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The optometrist says you need new glasses.

What is sitting in a tree and makes "Haa Haaa"?

An owl with a speech impediment.

\-------------

Dentist to the patient: This might hurt now a bit

Patient: Don't worry

Dentist: Ok... I'm having an affair with your wife!

\------------

Wife to husband: You look aweful with these new glasses

Husband: B...

Did you hear the one about Seymour?

He's got new glasses.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.