UPJOKE

You can never trust atoms..

…They make up everything!

You should never trust your balls.

Because they’re nuts. haha see what i did there?

Never trust female leaders.

They’re Ms. Leading.

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.

They're definitely plotting something.

Never trust a dyslexic persons tarp..

It could be a trap!

You can never trust tall people...

They always think they’re above everyone else.

Never trust a plastic surgeon

that doesn't have skin in the game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never trust a banker...

A guy walks into a bank and walks up to the teller, who happens to be an attractive young woman. The customer says, "Hey toots, great tits, I wanna open a fucking checking account. "

The teller is of course *instantly* offended. "Sir, that is insulting and sexist and I will *not* put up with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never Trust an Old Lady

An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Old Lady: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one? ...

I've never trusted lizards...

right from the gecko.

"Never trust an actor with a gun"

said Abraham Lincoln

One thing I have learnt this year is to never trust acupuncturists

They'll stab you in the back the first chance they get

Never trust a surgeon

They will put a knife in your back whilst you're not looking.

You should never trust a tanned referee.

Because he's always unfair

Never trust someone that enjoys a Soviet Parade

There are a lot of red flags.

Never trust a duck that claims to know medicine

They always turn out to be quacks.

Why can you never trust African cats?

Because they're all either lion or cheetahs.

I've never trusted an amateur masseuse.

They just rub me the wrong way.

Never trust a website with purple terms and conditions.

They clearly violet your privacy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am never trusting in British girl again

She told me she's 400 pounds
and when we met she was a skinny ass model.

Wtf is wrong with people these days.

Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you"..

It was just the boos talking

Why should you never trust a deaf pirate?

In case of mute-iny

Never trust Velcro shoes

They’re a real rip off

Never trust people who sketch facial composites for police reports.

They're con artists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never Trust An Indian

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress. His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me h...

I’ve never trusted tectonic plates

They’re too shifty

"I may never trust my sister Linda again," a brunette woman told her blonde friend.

"What happened?" asked the blonde.

"Yesterday," said the brunette, "I came home from work and heard a strange noise coming from the bedroom. I went upstairs and saw my husband lying in bed. He looked exhausted. I asked him what was up, and he said he was having a heart attack. Just as I was l...

I never trust octagons.

They're always lazy, just squares that cut all the corners.

Never trust an elevator

He is going to let you down

Never trust volleyball players with your drinks

They might spike 'em.

Never trust bed salesmen

They're all sleeper agents

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never trust a fart...

You never know what kind of shit your asshole is up to.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can never trust what your stomach is saying.

It's constantly making shit up.

Why should you never trust a cannibal to make dinner?

They'll put blood, sweat and tears into it.

Never trust a stairwell.

Every time you turn around, it's a new story!

When shopping for a vacuum on amazon, never trust a 5 star review.

There is no such thing as a perfect vacuum.

Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?

They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

You know why you should never trust Russian Pokemon?

Fake Mews.

Why do you never trust overweight female drug dealers?

Because they always cell-u-lite

Never trust a man built like a bear

He might steal your honey

Why do you never trust a horse out in a field?

He’s unstabled.

Never trust a "Bernie" to manage your finances...

The last one I knew Madoff with all my money.

Remember to never trust anyone who promises you change.

Unless it's a cashier.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never trust a bus driver

A nun gets on a bus and sits next to a hippie. The hippie asks her if she wants to have sex. Shocked the nun says no and leaves the bus. The bus driver says that she visits the local graveyard every Tuesdays and Thursdays at night. He also says that he should dress up like a ghost to persuade the nu...

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