UPJOKE

Never Forget Jokes

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words before he died.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ll never forget my grandpas last words.

Stop shaking the ladder you little shit!

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget...

Because elephants never forget.

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it.

That's because elephants never forget.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never forget my sons first words...

"Where the fuck have you been for 16 years"

My first wife, I’ll never forget her…

and I’ve tried.

The Indian that never forgets.

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

I'll never forget my Dad's final words

"Son, toss me that hatchet"

I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face...

when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her if she knew how long it took for the birds to grow once the seeds have been planted.

Elephant never forgets

This man, Rajesh Patel wnet to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. Rajesh very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at Rajesh for...

Elephant Never Forgets

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.

The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile.

The elephan...

Today is 9/11-NEVER FORGET

Oh, my bad---Too soon.

A police officer told me once: "We'll never forget 9/11".

I said: "Of course you won't, it's your phone number!"



\- Jimmy Carr

The Indian Who Never Forgets

A man was on they way to visit his mother-in-law. The train made a stop next to a small Indian village. The man had heard that in this particular village there was a famous Indian Who Never Forgets. The man thought to himself, "that can't be true, he must forget at least once in a while," so he soug...

As long as I live I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me...

GODDAMMIT BOY BE CAREFUL THAT THING’S LOADED!

I'll never forget my son's 89th sentence

Dad, you remember weird stuff

Elephants never forget...

There was a boy who grew up in India with his father, a diplomat. When he was almost nine, he used to run away from his tutor and go to walk through the forests. On one such occasion, he heard a strange noise and veered off the path to investigate. He saw a young elephant, lying on the ground, appar...

When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word...

...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ll never forget my grandpas last words...

“Quit messing around with my life support cord you twat”

Never forget that you're someone's reason to smile...

Because you're a joke.

I'll never forget when my parents sat me down and told me Santa wasn't real

I was heartbroken...


I'm not sure how I managed to go to work that day!

I cared for my sick dad in his last days, and I'll never forget his last words

"I think those were the wrong pills Billy."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandfather dropped a bomb today I'll never forget

We stopped at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. The people looked like they hadn't slept in a year and had eaten meth for a week from their missing teeth and saggy cheeks.

**Me:** Jesus, these people look like zombies

**Gramps:** Yeah and they're probably starvin...

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

Find yourself a woman who holds you as tight as Nancy Pelosi holds her impeachment articles

I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

"I am your Father"

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll never forget the one time i saw my dad's penis.

I said "dad, dont text me shit like that"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I will never forget it you know . . .

One time my boyfriend Ernie looked at me and said Soph if you could learn to cook we could fire the chef. I said if you could learn to fuck we could fire the chauffeur.

My father died on 9/11, I will never forget his last words

Allahu Akbar.

[Do keep in mind that this is not my joke, I just want to spread laughs]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
...

I will never forget the first meme that made me laugh...

one could say that it was rather memerable

9/11 never forget

11/9 always regret

I heard a policeman say "I'll never forget nine eleven"

And I thought "Well, duh, that's your phone number".

I will never forget what my wise grandmother used to say to me

"Get out of the way, i'm trying to watch TV!"

I was taught to forgive but never forget

So now I walk around full of resentment and suspicion but don't remember why.





I think I'm doing it wrong.

I'll never forget when I saw it for the first time.

I was 12 at the time, I just hit puberty. I measured it and it was 3.5 inches if I remember correctly. I almost couldn't believe my own eyes. It's more than twice of what I been seeing before. It was crazy. Ill never forget how sensitive it was and how inexperienced I was when touching it using my o...

My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.

It’s forever burned in her mammary

Thanks to my neighbor's cooking, I'll never forget to eat dinner.

I've developed a Pavlovian response to their smoke detectors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll never forget the day I lost my virginity...

...God I miss prison.

My grandfather passed away recently and I'll never forget his last words

"Son, that gun's loaded". So tragic, RIP grandfather

I'll never forget my father's last words to me...

"Tell your mom I'm going to the store, I'll be back in a bit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elephants Never Forget

Frank owned a full grown African Elephant and due to the rising costs of living, he found it was getting expensive to feed his pet.

Frank thought long and hard for a solution and upon watching a circus program on T.V. thought of the perfect scam to make some quick money.

You see Fran...

Never forget.

Never forget that Americans can't even get the date the right way around.

Sincerely the rest of the world on 9/11.

I'll never forget old what's his name...

He told me a billion times never to exaggerate.

I’ll never forget the day I met my wife.

We were at a fancy dress party. She was standing there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat friend.

They’d gone together, dressed as the number ten. I knew there and then, she was the one.

Not NSFW: When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa...

When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally took a misstep and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried.I'd always heard adults talk about i...

I will never forget our day at that sandy beach together

It’s really ingrained in my head

I’ll never forget the moment my doctor told me That I was deaf

It was really hard to hear

I will never forget a quote by Mark Zuckerberg that is often misattributed to Voltaire:

“While I disapprove of what you say, I will defend to the death my right to make money off of it”

What do dads never forget to include in their "dad" jokes?

PUNctuation






Okay, I'll leave.

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