Never Fail Jokes

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters:

\- “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

\- “Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.

They search the shed where t... read more

A homeless man finds a shiny lamp by the road while trying to find a place to pass the night.

Picking it up, the man was just about to shove it in his bag when a genie appeared out of it.

"I can grant you one wish." Said the genie.

Not wanting to waste the wish, the man spent mu... read more

A blood test I always get an A+

This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says:

“Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says:

“Actually,... read more

...it was so successful that they decided that they no longer needed each other

If Jesus was a program, he would never fail.
Why?

Because he was born in a stable environment.

... and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, ... read more

A kink.

Right after lights out, he is surprised to hear someone yell "42!", after which the entire cell block erupts in laughter.

Soon after, another inmate yells "17!", and again there's uproarious laughter and applause.

He asks his cellmate to explain. His cellmate tells him that all th... read more

The taste.

I always use this joke when going to Dr's, or any medical situation. It never fails to get a great laugh.

A man walks into a bar that he's a regular at, and sits at the bar. As the night goes on, he tries his luck with several ladies that come and go, but can't seem to close the deal. Meanwhile, he noticed a small, unremarkable man come in early in the evening, only to leave a short while later with a g... read more

I decided to get in shape by going to the local gym. I said to the trainer "Which machine should I use for best results in attracting women." He said "There`s one outside never fails, it`s called an ATM."

and the topic of conversation turns to contraception.

The first woman says: "We've used the rhythm method for years. The Holy Father approves of it and its surprisingly effective - it's only ever failed us twice."

The second woman says: "Holy Father, Shmoly Father. We don't go for ... read more

Bob made metal nails for all need and uses. For woodworking or construction, his nails where the best and he wanted to make a TV commercial to promote them.

So he went to a studio to get his commercial made. There he gave an idea of how he wanted his commercial "I want it to be epic and persu... read more