My local bar had a cat...

My local pub used to have a cat that would sit on the bar. All the regulars loved it. They would pet the cat, drunks would talk to it and it became an unofficial mascot of the bar.
One night just after closing time however, the cat was tragically run over by a truck outside the bar. It got mashe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady moves to a new town

She needs a job and the only place to work within 50 miles is a tickle me Elmo factory.
So she drives there the very next day. She is immediately sent to the head honchos office, and he says to her "this is your lucky day, we just lost somone in the factory and you would be perfect for the j...

A man walks into a doctor's office with a very deep cut.

"I need to close up this wound, doc", says the man, "but I can't afford for you to do it, so can you just give me the needle and thread so I can do it myself?"

The doctor says; "sure, suture self"

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