UPJOKE

Nailed It Jokes

Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork…

Think I nailed it!

Nailed it.

A Swedish guy was building a house. After having completed the foundation he went on to the walls. And while putting in the nails, he realised that holding the planks while nailing them would be easier if he had help. So he walked over to his new neighbour; a Danish guy. His neighbour agreed to help...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nailed It

Jesus has been crucified and reappears to his disciples. He tells them that he will grant them one wish before he ascends into heaven.



The disciples get together and confer. After much arguing Peter says "Could you do that walking on water thing again? It was so cool".



...

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but...

the new guy screwed everything up

What did roman soldier say on a Good Friday?

Nailed it!

What can you say about the haters of Jesus?

I guess they nailed it in the end.

People always say that the Romans didn’t handle the whole Jesus situation very well

I think they nailed it.

What do you call a cheeseburger that’s on the move?

A slider.

My 10 year old nephew came up with this one, I think he nailed it!

Rumour has it...

Rumour has it that Jesus got so hammered on Good Friday that he didn’t wake up for 3 days.

(Easter Joke... Nailed it.)

I'm not very good at DIY but I managed to attach a piece of wood to another piece of wood.

Nailed it.

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

What did the teacher at the carpentry school tell Jesus after the exams?

Nailed it!

I’ll only watch a Passion of the Christ sequel under one condition.

Jesus has to say, “you crossed the wrong guy!”

Nailed it.

I read my part aloud in the church sermon about the crucifixion of Jesus. I was really proud of myself for not making any mistakes.

In hindsight, yelling out "NAILED IT" probably wasn't the best way to celebrate.

I told a joke about my massive ego.

Nailed it.

My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ.

I totally nailed it.

I don't like to make jokes about religion anymore...

Last time I did I was crucified for it...


and I thought I nailed it.

My tree went missing.....

so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog.

How did Jesus do in the construction test today?

He nailed it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do beauty therapists say when they’re finished with a manicure?

Nailed it!

A roman soldier comes back home from work

Wife: so how'd the crucifixion think go

Soldier: nailed it

I applied for a job as a carpenter the other day.

I had to demonstrate my skill with a piece of wood.
I nailed it.

High Jump...

The only sport where saying, “nailed it!” is a bad thing

Why was Jesus so ripped for his crucifixion?

CrossFit. (Nailed it.)

What rating did Jesus give the Romans for his crucifixion?

X/X... They nailed it!

My dad would lock us on the closet for hours at a time.

He told us it was elevator training. Today, I was in an elevator, I nailed it!!

A roman general reports to Emperor Tiberius

General: Ave Ceasar! I have news about the guy who called himself the son of God...what was his name... Juses? Jeusus?

Tiberius: Jesus...

General: Nailed it..

Today is Palm Sunday!

As far as Easter foreshadowing goes, I think they nailed it.

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