UPJOKE

My New Year's Resolution Jokes

My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape

Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

I still haven't broken my New Year's resolution this year.

It was not to make anyone laugh

My new year's resolution for 2023

Is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I promised them in 2020 and planned them in 2019

My New Year's resolution is going great!

I went to the gym this morning and I've already lost 10 pounds. Seriously I have no idea where I misplaced those dumbbells.

My New Year's Resolution is to stop being so condescending!

(Condescending means talking down to people)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New Year's resolution

My New Year's resolution this year was going to be:

1. Procrastinate more in 2023

But fuck it, I'll do it next year

My New Year's resolution is to start my own sheep farm

I've already found the perfect location in Seattle and I already moved over there. Now I'm just waiting for the first animals to arrive, because for the moment I'm basically Sheepless in Seattle ...

My New Year's Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.

I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done in two days

My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds

Only 13 more to go

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.

It's my new year's resolution.

My new year's resolution was to finally lose 50 pounds.

Its going alright! 3 weeks in and I've only got 55 left to lose.

My new year's resolution is to be more assertive...

...if that's OK with you guys?

My New Year's resolution is something my kids often forget

It just goes in one year and out the other.

My new year's resolution is to upvote every joke that is OC

Right after I repost it

My New Year's resolution is to complain loudly about all my past regrets.

Hindsight is 2020.

My New Year's resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants

Roll on 2018

My New Year's resolution is to give up club sandwiches.

But I don't think I can give up cold turkey.

My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it.

Our Xmas dinner also happens to be my New Year's resolution

Bone-less turkey

A little late to the party here, but for my New Year's resolution, I decided to dedicate more time to my step machine.

I never knew my real machine. 😢

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