UPJOKE

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

My mum got really annoyed when I tried to tickle my little sister's feet...

she said something about 'waiting till she was born'.

Tickled my little sisters foot last night and mom went crazy about it…

Something about waiting until she’s born

I was tickling my little sister's feet when mum wakes up and starts giving me a right earful.

Something about "Waiting until she's born".

A joke about sausages my little sister made up

Two French sausages are sat on a charcuterie board relaxing and having a catch up, talking about their wives and their children.
One sausage sees a smaller sausage on the other side of the board and turns to his friend. 

"I assume zat zis is your beautiful daughter?" 

"Oh, non, mon...

My little sister's sick burn

She's 7, which makes this so much better.

Her: Hey /u/Teeplaysgames, wanna know why Mom named Noah (our brother) Noah?

Me: Sure, why?

Her: Because the first time she saw him, she yelled "NOO! AHHHH!" and the doctor just wrote that down.

Joke said by my little sister

"Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?"
"Why?"
"Because she will let it go"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took my little sister to the cinema. Apparently the sex was too graphic.

Everyone asked us to stop.

Knock knock I heard from my little sister

Who's there

Owls

Owls who?

Yes... Yes they do

(NSFW)So I'm tickling my little sisters foot, and my mom goes absolutely nuts and starts beating me up...

Nobody told me not to touch her until she's born...

A joke my little sister thought of today

A blue man lives in the blue house, a purple man lives in the purple house, a red man lives in the red house, who lives in the white house?

An orange man.

My little sister's cat died...

...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My little sister knocked me out cold today ..

Seriously what kind of sick fuck finds it funny to rub choloform on used panties ..

REQUEST: Burn victim jokes to keep my little sister happy because she accidentaly splashed a few drops of oil on her face

She's completely fine, in case anyone asks, but she has a few burn marks on her face. Doctor says itll take a few weeks to heal though and will probably scar. Just need some dark humor to cheer her up.

If this isn't the correct subreddit for this can someone direct me to one?

My little sister hated that our mother was addicted to cigarettes so she took a fork and stabbed the packet repeatedly.

Mom was not pleased. Holy smokes!

^(Based on a true story)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Sister is Obsessed With the Worst Guy Ever

To this day I don't understand what my little sister sees in this guy. He's unemployed and has absolutely no ambition to get a job. Not only does he rely on her for food but this fucker moved in as soon as they met despite my warnings to at least get to know him a little better before making such a ...

Why did the farmer cross the road?

To get his chicken back.


(Credit goes to my little sister. Did this one when she was eight. She's a legend.)

A little convo between my sis and mum

My little sister was telling our mother something with full excitement but mum wouldn't listen.
Sister said, "Mom you never listen to me!"



Mother didn't listen to that either.

My Sister's Fingers

Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man who barely looks of age walks into a bar...

...and orders a shot of whiskey. After checking his ID, the bartender pours him one. The young man grabs the shot glass and throws it back, slams it down on the counter and orders another.

The bartender pours it and again the young man slams it back and demands one more.
The bartender rel...

A teacher is interviewing her class on their daily habits

- Teacher: What do you do all day, James?
- James: Well I wake up, have breakfast and then go to school. After school finishes I head back home, have dinner and hit the sack.

Glad that James has a normal, healthy day, the teacher encourages him to keep it up and moves on to the next studen...

A four year kid is being rushed to the hospital with coughing,high fever, vomiting and a searing headache.

The doctor meets him and takes him to do examinations. First,he needs to know what's the worst. He asks "Ben,can you tell me what's bothers you the most?"
He replies: "I'd have to say my little sister".

New Movie

My little sister asked me if I heard about the movie constipation. She then said, never mind it hasn’t come out yet! I laughed and then asked her if she ever heard of the movie diarrhea. I told her it went on forever!

Cute knock knock with a twist

My little sister (8)
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Nobody
Nobody who?
Why are you asking who’s there if nobody is there?

I really think it is intelligent of her and actually funny!

She told me to tell my Reddit friends. So...

I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick.

"Just how sick are you?" he said.
"well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough"

Moms favorite things

Kid: "Dad, why did you decide to name my little sister Teresa?"

Dad: "It was your moms idea mainly. She decided that she would name all her children after things she absolutely loved. Teresa is an anagram of the word Easter, and it's your moms favorite holiday."

Kid: "Huh, that makes s...

What do you call a funny hill?

Hilarious ...


My little sister told me this and I wasn't expecting it at all. :|

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