UPJOKE

My Girlfriend's Jokes

I think my girlfriend's a secret drug dealer

I just answered her phone, and this man said "is that dope still there?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's vagina smells like roses....

But, Rose's is tighter...

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So the neighbors think I'm a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

Dad my girlfriends pregnant

"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."

"I'm not mad, just disappointed."

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."

"Did you jus..."

"Yes."

"You're ready."

"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Midway through sex my girlfriend's phone started ringing.

"That can wait," I told her.

"Hmm...It might be my boss," she replied.

I tried to get her back into our sexual encounter. "*I'm* your boss, baby."

"Well, you don't feel like him."

My girlfriend's red flags wouldn't have bothered me so much

....if they didn't have swastikas on them.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.

She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's a pornstar.

But for the life of me, I don't know how to tell her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's a porn star

And she's going to be really pissed when she finds out

My girlfriend's such a bad cook,

she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

My girlfriend's dad is so religious that he wouldn't let us sleep together.

It's a real shame, he is pretty attractive.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.