UPJOKE

My Ex Wife Jokes

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

My ex wife still misses me

But her aim is getting better!

I've spent past 2 years looking for my ex wife's killer

No one wants to do it.

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My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

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My ex wife was fucking Bonkers.

At least that's what I think the clown's name was.

Bragging to me about being with my ex wife is the same as….

Bragging about eating a sandwich I threw in the dumpster

An ex husband an ex wife are in court fighting in a bitter custody battle over their child.

The judge asks the woman: "Why do you feel you deserve custody?"

The woman says: "I brought that child into this world. My child literally came out of me! That is why I deserve custody."

The judge nods his head, and says "That is a simple and logical reason. It makes sense."

The...

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My ex wife

My ex wife said that there was nothing wrong with having a 3 inch penis, but I still didn’t like her having one.

I am not saying my ex wife was ugly...

But I had to quit my job, so I didn't have to kiss her goodbye in the morning.

I tried to re-marry my ex wife

But she figured out I was only after my money.

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My ex wife was an acupuncturist…

Divorced her because she was a backstabbing bitch.

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My EX Wife... lemme tell ya about her. WHAT... AN... ASSHOLE!!!

...Her Tits weren't bad, either!

My ex wife used to hit me with stringed instraments

If only I had known she had a history of violins

I took my ex wife out yesterday.

Man, it's fun being a sniper.

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

My ex wife is a pirates worst nightmare !

A sunken chest with no booty .........

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of my ex wife.

(And hold them under until the bubbles stop. )

I ordered my ex wife food she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it...

Because revenge is a dish best served cold

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My ex wife is an esthetician w/ various skills but she mainly does massages for various men with various careers.

You could say she's a "jack off all trades"

My ex wife was a Seismologist.

She was was great at finding faults.

My ex wife hated that I cross dressed.

So i packed her stuff and left

As part of the break up process,I decided to burn all my ex wife's clothes.

It gave me great satisfaction.....

She was wearing them at the time.

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What does a dog and my ex wife have in common?

They both like to shit on my lawn.

My ex wife just texted me, "Wish you were here"

She does this everytime she passes by a cemetery

How long does it take my ex wife to screw in a light bulb?

Ha! My ex screwing, that’s a good one.

I had a dirty dream about my ex wife

The dishes were pulled up and the house smelled like pachouli oil.

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