UPJOKE

My Dad Always Said Jokes

My dad always said to me, “If you ever meet a girl with a terrible tattoo, try to marry her.”

“She makes bad decisions, but sticks with it.”

My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did.

Account balance: $9.11

My dad always said

"don't be mad 'cause you're ugly. Be mad 'cause it'll never go away. BUT, if you're gonna be ugly, at least be funny. Because the longer they laugh, the longer they keep their eyes closed."

My Dad always said...

... that the first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more.

Great bloke.

Terrible anaesthetist.

My dad always said, "I before E expect after C".

Society taught me otherwise.

My dad always said laughter was the best medicine.....

Probably why so many of my siblings died from tuberculosis.

My dad always said to "fight fire with fire."

We weren't very surprised when he got fired from the fire department...

My Dad always said I hammer like lightning

I never strike in the same place twice.

My dad always said...

"Don't reminisce."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad always said "don't put your dick in crazy"

"because that's fucking insane"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Never get in the car with a stranger," my dad always said.

I'm 38 and I still haven't learnt to fucking drive.

My dad always said girls are like dandelions

They're fun to blow

My dad always said: "When life gets you down, shred cheese."

That was grate advice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad always said there was nothing wrong with black people

He believed everybody should own one

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My dad always said, "Never gamble and never sleep with a prostitute."

I thought, "They're the same thing."

My dad always said, "Do something you love and you'll never need to work a day in your life!"

He was a heroin addict...

My dad always said there are two ways you know that you're getting old. The first is that you start to forget things.

I can never remember the second one.

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