UPJOKE

A chickpea got called to a murder scene

It was a hummucide

Murder @ Wal-Mart

So here's the story. . .

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a
young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then
arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend o...

A guy walks into a crow bar

It's a murder scene

I fell in love with an amazing man

When he proposed I decided to make a huge sacrifice: I gave up on my favourite food, beans.

A few months later, on my birthday, my car broke down. Called him to let him know I was coming later. Suddenly I smelled baked beans from a nearby restaurant and couldn't help myself. I figured I'd hav...

[Long] Three men who speak different languages overheard some bits of English, so they said what they knew to try and learn the language.

"Us three!" Said the first man.

"Half a dollar!" The second one said.

"Sooner the better!" Cried the third.

Proud of their newfound skills of obtaining language, the three repeated these lines as often as they could.

"Us three!"
"Half a dollar!"
"Sooner the be...

An alien comes to earth and tries to learn English by repeating everything it hears.

The alien walks by an opera and hears someone sing "Me me me me me me me", so the alien repeats "Me me me me me me me"

Next the alien walks by a restaurant and hears people shouting "Forks and knives! forks and knives!", so the alien repeats "Forks and knives! Forks and knives!"

Then ...

So there was this alien who came down to earth

An alien came down to earth and wanted to know how to act. He first stopped by a recording studio, where he heard someone singing “me me ME me me me...”
The alien then repeated, sing slightly off-key “me me ME me me me...”
The next place he went to was a fast food place, where he heard the cas...

A police officer called his station back on Radio.

He was at a murder scene where an old woman shot her husband for stepping on just mopped floor.

Dispatch: So was an Arrest made ?

Officer: Not yet.

Dispatch: ?

Officer: The floor is still wet.

A group of crows killed an innocent person

It really was a murder scene

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