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Mother Of God Jokes

Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from o...

Little Johnny fell asleep in Sunday school...

The teacher asked, "Johnny, who is our Lord and savior?"
The boy behind him poked him in the back with a pin.
Johnny shot upright and shouted, "Jesus Christ!"
"Correct," said the teacher.
Johnny then fell back asleep.
The teacher called on him again, "Johnny, who was Jesus's mother?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman in a bar hears a familiar accent, and says to the guy next to him "Are you Irish, then?"

"That I am"

"Well I''l be, let's have a whiskey! Where are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Me too!, That calls for another drink: Bartender!"

"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"

"Fuck Me! I went to school right there on Milligan Street"

"So d...

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident...

an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced constable waiting in the front yard.  "We're sorry, Mr. O' Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said the officer.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O'Flynn asked. The constable said, "I have some bad...

My dad is a huge fan of Christian screamo...

Whenever he's out working on his car he always singing along like "JESUS CHRIST!" "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"

A man falls asleep in church

Every Sunday a man and his wife attend church. The man has a bad habit of falling asleep during services, so one Sunday his wife brings a hat pin and pokes him everytime he drifts off. The priest is giving his sermon and asks who gave birth to Jesus? The man is asleep wife jabs him and he blurts o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into an off-licence (liquor store for you 'muricans)

"I'd like a large bottle of your best Irish whiskey, if you please," she says to the man behind the counter.

"Ah but sister," said the shopkeeper. "I can't be selling such evil liquids to you now, you being a woman of the cloth and all."

The nun looks sternly at the man and says "Don't...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys go to religion class

10 minutes into the class, the teacher asks Timmy "Who was Mary?" Immediately, Adam pokes Timmy's ass with a pencil. "MOTHER OF GOD!" Timmy yells. The teacher says "Good, but don't yell." 15 minutes into the class, Timmy is called on again. "Who is the son of God?" Adam pokes his ass with a pencil a...

Three farm boys were looking for a wife, when a girl moved in next door....

She had hair like sunshine, a smile like a new morning, and was beautiful and perfect in every way - except for one flaw. She had one leg substantially shorter than the other, and she walked kind of tilted over because of it. The first boy came to call, and asked her to marry him. She said "If you c...

The Priest, The Minister and The Rabbi

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of a large, diverse University.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.


One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A r...

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