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Most Painful Jokes

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How Men Know Childbirth Isn’t The Most Painful Event

An older couple were enjoying a walk one evening when they observed a younger man getting kicked in the groin. The husband says, “That is the by far the most painful experience anyone can have.” The wife huffs and says “You ever give birth to a child?” The husband responds, “Honey, after our first...

Some say child birth is the most painful event one can experience.

Maybe because I was too young to remember, but I don’t think it hurt too much.

What is the most painful way to be measured

In megahertz

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Most painful experiences

Three men are in the wilderness around a campfire sharing their most painful experiences.
The first man says "I fell off of a 12 foot ladder, broke both my legs, and was hospitalized for 8 weeks"
The second man says "I was crossing the street and a car ran me over, but I got caught on it and ...

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"The Most Painful Experience of Your Life"

So, these two guys are eating lunch and the subject of "the most painful experience of your life" comes up. The first guy thinks for a moment and says "that would have to be the time I slammed the car door on my hand". The second guy thinks and says "I know the second most painful experience of my...

What is the most painful Russian dance?

Tchaikovsky's *The Nutcracker*.

My grandfather told me that a baby crying was the most painful thing in the world...

So I threw one at a guy crossing the road

My overdramatic girlfriend came up to me, balling her eyes out and confessed to having the most painful period she's ever had before

I looked her right in the face and said "stop ovary acting"

r/funny told me to post it here. So, a married couple went to the hospital

A married couple went to the hospital so that the woman could give birth to her child. Upon their arrival the doctor told them that they invented a new machine where they could transfer some of the labor pain to the father. He asked them if they would like to try it and they agreed. So the doctor se...

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A Russian, a Japanese dude and a guy from Boston were caught by a group of cannibals...

The leader said to them "we are going to eat you and use your skin to make a canoe, but we will give you the choice of killing yourselves in which ever way you want".
The Russian made a grunting sound then snapped his neck clean off. The Japanese guy took out his samurai sword and honorably kill...

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Childbirth

All my life, I've heard women say that childbirth is the most painful thing in the world, even worse than a man getting kicked between the legs. How they know that? I'm not sure. But I can prove them wrong: A woman has a baby. A year-and-a-half to two years later, she wants another one. I've never h...

Why are men always happy when their wife are in labor?

It's the most painful experience of her life and she can't make him do it.

Did you hear the one about the blind man and his cheese grater?

He said it was the most painful thing he had ever read.

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A ship goes down at sea

Two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.
The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.
The man event...

I got food poisoning from a can of Spaghetti-O’s....

It was the most painful vowel movement of my life.

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Three old guys are sitting around talking.

One subject leads to another, when the subject of pain comes up.

First guy says "you ever zipped your foreskin into your jeans? That's pain.."

Second guy, "that's not pain, you ever had the trots and went to jump on the toilet in a hurry and trapped one of your nuts between your leg a...

Three people in the Amazon forest get caught by a tribe...

They were being held by the tribesmen outside the village. The head tribesman who speaks English tells them, "You have trespassed into our territory. As we are a considerate folk, you have the option to choose either Jhingalala for a minute or Death. You can give me your choice when you are summoned...

The Genie and the Demon

Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges.

"You have freed me from my near-eternal captivi...

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Three men die and are waiting to enter heaven

St. Peter approaches the group and says, "Well, Heaven is a little backed up right now, and only one of you can get in at the moment. I don't have my sheet with me, so you'll have to tell me how you died. Whichever one of you died the most painful death can get in first." St. Peter approaches the fi...

The Wrestler.

There's an up-and-coming wrestler, and I mean a real wrestler not that glitzy camp showman stuff. Sweat and muscle. And he's good; with the able assistance of his manager, he's rising steadily in the ranks.

In fact he's so good, that he decides he can do it - he asks his manager to set up a t...

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