Morning Routine Jokes

1). Wake Up
2). Eat Breakfast
3). Take a shit
4). Get out of bed
5). Shower

-Wake up
-Take a shit
-Get out of bed

I woke up the morning of my 43rd birthday. Expecting something similar to previous years, I freshened up and walked into the kitchen. To my surprise and disappointment, my wife did not acknowledge my birthday at all. Even my kids had forgotten and didn’t say anything. I little taken back. I complete... read more

The husband would wake up every morning and thrust out a loooonnnnnng fart.
She told him for years, "Some day, you're going to shit your guts out if you keep on" but that never stopped him from his morning routine. Finally, after decades, she had enough.
After cleaning out a turkey she took... read more

... when the teachers entered the classrooms, at 8:00 sharp, they would say "Good morning! " and all the kids, in one voice answered "GOOD MORNING!".

Next to the school was a retirement home and the school's morning routine started to annoy the residents. Few old people got together, went to ... read more

John and Susan have been married for many years. Every morning as John woke up, he would let loose the loudest, most foul smelling fart you could imagine. Every morning, Susan would tell John that he was going to blow his guts out of his ass. John would just laugh and continue his morning routine... read more

A couple goes to therapy to try and solve some problems in their marriage.

The counselor says that maybe by recounting their morning routine, they can find some unconscious signs revealing deep-set issues.

The husband responds,

"Well, this morning, something peculiar happened.... read more

“I only have one complaint” she says.
“Every morning, right after he wakes up, he rolls over and lets out the wettest, most stomach turning fart. I keep telling him he’s going to fart his guts out and asking him to stop but he just laughs and farts again the next day.”
Her friend, a butchers w... read more