UPJOKE

More Likely Jokes

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.

People are 63% more likely to believe a made up stat if you say it confidently

This increases to 78.47 if you add a decimal

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

The unvaccinated die before they get the chance

You know why vaccinated children are more likely to have autism?

They live past the age of three

Did you know blind people are more likely to get scurvy?

They don’t get enough vitamin see.

Just saw a fun fact that said, "Babies are more likely to be born on Tuesdays."

As opposed to what? ADULTS being born on Tuesdays?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are school shooters more likely to be white people?

White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anagram lovers are more likely to get corona if

* exposed to a corona infected person
* they have weak immune system
* asked to spell racoon

The COVID-19 event has made me significantly more likely to get laid

Off

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

TIL people with type A negative blood are more likely to become sick from COVID-19

I guess you gotta B positive during these rough times

Studies show that men with beards are more likely to cheat...

...than women with beards.

Apparently, married women over sixty are "more likely to become furries".

I think it's an old wive's tale

How did Alice feel when her doctor told her she is genetically more likely to develop a yeast infection?

Thrush-traited

They say people are more likely to kill themselves if a close friend or family has recently committed suicide...

So this year, I'm giving the gift that keeps on giving.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is a fencing sword more likely to commit sexual assault

because its a bit rapier.

I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories...

He said “Thats what they want you to think!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Research has shown that Obese people who have just had sexual reassignment surgery are more likely to survive cannibalistic scenarios

Because Trans Fat are bad for your health.

Scientists say you're more likely to die of what your grandparents died of rather than your parents

If anyone sees any German snipers let me know

A newly released scientific study has found that pregnant women who use vibrators, are 90% more likely to have a child...

...that stutters.

Studies show that a fear of spiders means that you're more likely to find them in your bed...

... Then I should mention that I have a fear of beautiful women with long legs

Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city?

That's because you don't live in New York City

Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more.

So men are better at it!

\- George Carlin

I'm sick of people telling me that I'm more likely to get mugged in London than New York.

What do they expect? I don't live in New York.

Recent studies show that chimps raised in captivity are more likely to reproduce if they are shown videos of other chimps mating in the wild.

monkey see monkey do monkey, monkey do monkey

A new study came out today showing that kids who are NOT vaccinated are actually more likely to have autism.

Turns out autism is hereditary.

You know I read a wild statistic the other day that said like a woman is 70 percent more likely to laugh if she finds the dude attractive

At least I know I’m funny

Someone told me Im more likely to die from a lightning strike while on the way to buying a lottery ticket than actually winning the lottery.

Either way I hit the jackpot.

I asked my friend why he only smokes pot right outside of his front yard where he'd be more likely to be caught...

He said
"Because my dad said it's a gateway drug"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you see a condom, a tampon and a bra walking down the street..... which one is more likely to say hello?

ans: the bra. The other two are stuck up cunts.

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