UPJOKE

Mid Air Jokes

Do you know what sound two 747’s make when the collide mid air?

Boeing!

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

What a horrible way to die

Two guys meet up in a bar.

The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb,...

True story! My wife wasn't happy...

I was at a store with my son and wife, so I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catch it. Then my son saw me doing it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, give me that! It's really expensive!"
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Japanese, Brit and Indian

A Japanese, a brit and an Indian were traveling by a private jet with their personal belongings. Due to low fuel they were asked to throw off some of their belongings mid air to reduce the weight. They all agreed to discard items which were in abundance in their country.

The Japanese threw h...

A man sees a beautiful woman sitting at a restaurant, eating, alone.

A man sees a beautiful woman sitting at a restaurant, eating, alone, at the table next to his.

Suddenly, she sneezes and a glass eye flies out of its socket!

With his lightening fast reflexes, as it hurtled past the man, he catches it from mid air and hands it back to the lady.

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Two guys and a girl walk into a hotel.

The manager of the hotel welcomes them in and congratulates them for being the 9,99,998th, 9,99,999th and 10,00,000th customers respectively. He says they have won a special prize for having completed one million customers.

He leads them to an empty swimming pool and says "This is a special ...

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Going to the bar for the first time

So I went into the bar and was very nervous, I'm young and never experienced this atmosphere before. I'm trying to talk to all these ladies but none of my pick up lines are working, all my buddies have their girls they picked up and they're all dancing. I'm in the bar all alone and this beautiful bl...

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A man finds an old dusty beer bottle, it feels like there's something inside so he rubs the dirt off to check and out pops a genie!

Smoke lifts from the stem of the bottle as a man appears floating in mid air wearing cargo shorts and a snapback.

Genie: "alright sport you get one wish make it count"

Man: "but I thought I got 3 wishes?"

Genie: "oh so one wish isn't good enough for you huh? You know when I was ...

God, Jesus, and Moses are playing golf..

So Moses takes his first stroke and the ball goes soaring. An eagle then picks the ball out of mid air and flies off the course. Then the wind picks up and steers the eagle back. Then lightning strikes the eagle dropping the ball back down and God says, "Are we here to play golf or are we gonna scre...

A Little Old Man Wants to Play Golf One Day

He walks into the pro shop and they pair him up with two other golfers, Jesus and Moses.

On the first tee box, Moses hits his first shot right into a water hazard leading up to the green. He explains, "Don't worry guys, I've got this." Moses approaches the water and raises his hands causing t...

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