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A masochist walks up to a sadist and says, 'Beat me mercilessly'...

Sadist: 'No'

When are cooks at their meanest?

When they mercilessly beat the eggs and whip the cream!

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Poor Dyslexic James (long, original)

James was dyslexic. Because of this, he always struggled in school. He was embarrassed by his dyslexia and never let on or got help for his problems, so his grades suffered. His teachers and guidance counsellors told him he’d never amount to anything. All his life, James just wanted to prove them wr...

Genghis Khan stumbles across a great palace in Northern China

It was a magnificent golden palace, with beautiful ornaments covering every surface as it towered over the surrounding landscape with its size. The steps leading up to the front entrance were crafted from the finest marble, the pillars holding up the ceiling sculpted with the rarest jade. It was tru...

Chic and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are plotting to destroy the world, and so former arch-enemies the Village People and the Beastie Boys put aside their differences to stop them

The slaughter is brutal and extremely exciting to watch, but finally, it ends in a showdown: Nile Rogers and Grandmaster Flash, laughing as they square up to the last surviving Beastie Boy and the last surviving Village Person.

He straightens his hard hat, draws his sword and charges at Nile ...

An old man was driving his old Fiat in the Italian countryside, when the car broke down

He pulled over to the side, and called for a tow truck. While he was waiting, this guy in a Ferrari, who must have felt very generous that day, stopped and asked if he needed any assistance.

“It’s okay, the tow truck will be here soon,” the old man told him.

But the guy with the Fe...

What’s worse than finding a worm in your Apple?

Being mercilessly beaten over the head by a large mob.

A tribal chief down on his luck decided to marry off his three daughters

For in those days suitors paid a bridal price, and the chief thought he could live off what his daughters would fetch him, and at the same time ensure that his children would be secure and provided for.

Now, it was a point of rivalry between the girls to see who would fetch the best price amo...

A Bartender walks into a bar.

\*Bart's life flashes before his eyes as he's mercilessly shot four times in the chest\*

Little Johnny always felt like he was born in the wrong body.

He liked dressing up and baking muffins and all sorts of girly things. One day he embraced it and accepted himself as a girl. She called herself Joanne. She went to school the next day and was bullied mercilessly. She was heartbroken. She ran home in tears crying out for her father. "DAD!", she crie...

Buddy Doesn't Know How to Park a Car

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a ...

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years.

Upon her return, her father questioned her mercilessly. “Where have ye been all this time? Why didn’t you write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old ma through?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Daddy … I became a prostitute.”
“Ye what?! Out of h...

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Ajit Pai is shopping in a grocery store...

Ajit Pai is shopping in a grocery store when he notices a produce clerk eyeing him. He goes about his shopping, albeit a bit unnerved by the clerk’s hungry eyes.

Ajit turns down another aisle and sees the guy at the deli counter scoping him out like a lion would look at a wounded wildebeest. ...

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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Jim is a man with no ears and he starts his own business

First thing he needs to do is hire an assistant.
As a kid with no ears, Jim was bullied mercilessly and is extremely sensitive about it.
The first interview goes pretty well and Jim asks at the end "do you notice anything different about me"?
The person blurts out "yeah, you don't hav...

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NSFW The Voodoo Dick.

A man married to a nymphomaniac is going on a business trip, and he is worried his wife is going to cheat on him. So he decides to buy her a toy in the hopes of keeping her satisfied until he gets back. He goes to the neighborhood sex shop and explains his situation the the store owner. The owner gr...

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A man approaches a stop sign...

.. and as he usually does, he slows down a good bit, then continues rolling through the stop sign, without stopping completely.

An officer sees the man roll through the stop sign and pulls him over. The cop, in typical fashion, asks him, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" as the man gets ou...

A driver does a rolling stop at a STOP sign

A police officer happens to be there and pulls the driver over.

The officer goes up to the car and asks the driver if he knows why he has been pulled over.

The driver responds "No" with confusion.

The officer states that the driver stop at the intersection.

"But I slowe...

A cop pulls over a guy who just ran a stop sign.

Cop: You ran that stop sign back there.

Driver: Oh, come on now officer, it's called a California stop! I slowed down and no one was coming so I just rolled through.

Cop: Step out of the car please, sir.

Driver: What? Why? This is outrageous! I slowed down, and no one was ev...

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A fellow is standing at a urinal, doing his business.

A second person enters the mens room and quickly approaches the urinal next to him, then proceeds to just stand there. The fellow casts a glance sideways to see what is going on.

He sees a young man with no arms standing and looking forlornly at the urinal. His little arm nubs stick out of hi...

Jokes about Dad's new glasses

My Dad needs glasses for the first time. He's in his 50s and needs them for reading small print. Happens to most people with age. No biggie...
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However, I have worn glasses from a young age and he mocked me mercilessly for being a specky four-eyes with neverending delight. So now I have my op...

Boonta

Three men are marooned on island in the middle of the sea. They soon realize that the island is the home of the Wanooka tribe, known for being ruthless and murderous. They are captured and brought to the main village. The Wanooka chief goes of to the first man and asks him a question. "Death or Boon...

The people of Trid had a problem...

A dragon kept showing up and stealing all their food. Fed up with the inaction of the government, a local rabbi decided to take matters into his own hands. He called upon the Trids to band together with him and fight this menace, a suggestion met with eager cheers. They moved at dawn to attack in or...

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