UPJOKE

Men And Women Jokes

Friendship between men and women...

Friendship between women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day h...

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What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?

Bi-yourself.

What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

What do men and women have in common?

Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.

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Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..

Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..

He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..

He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after ex...

The difference between men and women.

If a woman says "smell this", it usually smells nice.

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What's the difference between men and women?

Men always have the same dick between their legs.

What’s the biggest difference between men and women?

What they mean when they say “I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie”.

The geography of men and women.

The geography of a woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered , half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like ...

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Everyone loves birds, but men and women have different favorite species of birds

For instance. Men have falcons, eagles, vultures etc as their favorite

But women have great tits.

Both men and women are going to the gym to have the same thing.

A perfect female body.

Difference between men and women

Julie didn't come home one night. When her husband Tom asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house.

Tom was a bit suspicious so he called her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.

The following week Tom didn't come home one night. Jul...

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women:

it takes a million sperm to find one egg because they're all males and not one of them is going to pull over and ask directions.

Difference in friendship between men and women

A woman once didn't return home for the night and the next morning when she arrived home her husband started questioning her about where has she been. She lied saying she slept at one of her friends. The man proceeded to call all her friends all of which denied her sleeping at them the previous nigh...

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How much sex does a person who likes both men and women have?

Just enough to get Bi

Don't believe for a minute that men and women are the same

Being born male makes a vas deferens.

I've got a mate who weighs 110kg and dates both men and women.

He's bi and large, a good person.

Difference between men and women

Women tend to think outside the box

Men just want to be inside the box

What do you call a group of Norwegian monarchs who ride motorcycles and enjoy both men and women?

The Bikings.

The biggest difference between men and women...

Is what comes to mind when the word "Facial" is used.

So you like men and women, but you’re still single...

I guess you’re just Bi-yourself

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DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Names
===========
If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice.
If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out
===========...

I respect men and women equally.

A homey-hoe status if you will.

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What do you call a bisexual who can't get men and women to fall in love with them?

Bi-yourself

Is there difference between men and women?

Oh yes. There is a vas' deferens .

If x=y and y=z, then x=z.

Applying the same logic.

If all men are pigs.
And Men and women are equal.

Then all women are pigs.

Men and women have two distinct views about weddings.

The husband-to-be wakes up in the morning, plays a round of golf and counts the minutes until he has to be at the altar.
The wife-to-be, on the other hand, wakes up in the morning and is panicking. She immediately begins to organize things, making sure everything is in proper order. In her mind ...

What do you call a dinosaur that likes men and women

Birexual



Credit to some dumb 14-year old on my school bus

The difference between men and women...

A man's wife walks into their apartment at 8am after a night out. The husband, visably annoyed asks "where were you?". His wife responds, "oh I was just staying at friends house, nothing to worry about!". Suspicious, the husband waits till his wife is getting changed, calls 10 of his wife's best fri...

What's the difference between men and women after death?

Women: Ugh...I'm so bloated!

Men: I've never been *this hard* before!

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Male or Female non-living objects... You might not know this, but a lot of non-living things are remarkably similar to men and women.

**FREEZER BAGS**: These are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

**PHOTOCOPIERS:** These are female, because once turned off, it takes

**TIRES**: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

**HOT AIR BALLOONS**: Al...

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Difference between Men and Women

Women may be able to fake orgasms but men can fake relationships!

What do you call a jazz soloist that’s into men and women?

Bi-sax-ual!

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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I...

The bravest men and women in the world are military commandos.

Think about it: all that running, getting shot at, dangerous missions deep into enemy territory... and all while not wearing any underpants!

Im into both men and women but I’ve been single all my life.

Guess I’m just destined to be all bi-myself.

The difference between men and women...

...is that after being in a relationship for six months a woman wonders if it's time to say 'I love you' and a man wonders if it time to fart in bed.

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God has nearly finished creating men and women...

...and he proclaims that he has one gift to offer to each sex, and that each can choose which one it wants. "First," he says, "I offer the ability to urinate standing up." "OH! OH! That's ALL us!" the men shout, jumping up and down in their excitement. "Right, then," says God, turning to the women, ...

Today I saw a man use a knot that had the statement "Love both men and women"

I didn't think I would witness an actual suicide bi-words

Mob bosses who date both men and women are tollerated in the Mafia...

... they let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.

What kind of Aircraft is into Men and Women?

A Biplane.

When men and women argue who's the most stubborn...

Then men concede they are are, because they just don't want to argue this anymore.

The difference between men and women... [OC]

The difference between men and women? When men go shopping they know what they want, but not where it is. When women go shopping they have no clue what they want, but know exactly where it is.

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What do you call it when a bisexual person shoots down flirtations from both men and women?

A double bi-pass!

Great men and women can be found in all corners of the Earth.

Unfortunately, the Earth is round.

How do men and women fill the fuel tank differently?

Men jiggle the nozzle afterwards.

The chief of staff of the US air force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of the armed forces. He directed that a nearby Air Force base will be open and all eligible young men and women would be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F - 15 fighter jet, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff struck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and said...

What do you call a Russian sovereign with dwarfism and a taste for both men and women?

A little bizar

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What do you call a nocturnal bird that likes both men and women?

A bisexuowl. I'm sorry.

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