UPJOKE
ephemeris timeintermediatesolar timetimeweightedcivil timemeanmeaninglymeanymediocrityunmeaningmediatorintermeanmedianmedialmeaningful

I know Greenwich has a mean time,

But do they have a happy hour?

Not NSFW: Next year, I'm moving to Greenwich, England

I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

I am driving through England currently and plan to be in Greenwich tomorrow.

Not too sure what to do in The Mean Time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

Comment with a random object and I'll try to make a joke out of it!

On your mark, get set, go!

EDIT 1: I hope you guys are enjoying this so far! Thanks for all the awesome objects :)

EDIT 2: Damn, was not expecting this much attention! I have to go to work in a few but I'll try to answer as many as I can. In the mean time, feel free to continue comment...

Engineer goes to Hell...

The engineer looks around, confused, and sees that despite having lived what he felt was a pious and good life, he is in Hell.

Satan quickly introduces himself. "Welcome to Hell. I can't say i was expecting you, so i guess St. Peter made a mistake when he put you on the Hell list. I'll have ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Muslim , a Jew and a Christian stood on the sides of Vatican entrance...

An Arab dressing as a Muslim man stood at the Vatican gate with a few Quran books and leaflets about Islam to sell. There was a flag with Islamic words behind him.

Just next to him, stood an Arab dressing as a Jewish with few books of Torah to be sold. There was a flag with Hebrew words behin...

A handy man in the closet

My grandma just sent me this joke in the form of a video and I wanted to share it with you guys.

A couple lives nearby some train tracks and it makes a thundering noise when it passes. The lady and her husband learned to sleep with ear covers and all that and made the best of the situation s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ice Cream Parlor

A woman walks into an ice cream parlor just before it closes. The employee behind the counter asks if he can help her and she replies, "Yes, I would like a chocolate ice cream cone, please."

"I'm sorry," the employee replied, "we just ran out of chocolate ice cream. Can I get you something el...

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