UPJOKE

Me Time Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband tells his wife: "I bet you can't say something that makes me happy and sad at the same time"

She told him: "you have the biggest dick in the whole town"

Spending time with grandpa got me in trouble.

Well. Today was a nice day until it wasnt.

I got up early and went out to spend some time with my grandfather. I had the greatest idea ever actually! So anyway I stink at writing details so I will get to the point. I was making sand castles with my grandpa and got kicked out by everyone at t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some times this world makes me feel like a clogged toilet.

I just can't take any more of this shit.

My dad and I(f) both ordered the same thing at the same time online. He got his before me.

Mail privilege...

A husband asks his wife, 'Honey, can you tell me anything that makes me happy and sad at the same time?

The wife thinks for a moment and says, 'Of all your friend's, yours is the biggest one'


(Sorry if I made any mistake, I tried to translate it from my mother tongue)

A joke that took me some time to understand

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
...

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