UPJOKE

You know why Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem for that census?

Because he never entered her as his wife.

Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?

Well it was Christmas....they should have booked ahead

Mary and Joseph are trying to find a name for their son

Joseph paces back and forth inside the manger, and hit his head because of the low roof.

"Jesus Christ!"

and Mary: "Ehy, I like that"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife says to her husband, "I called the surgery saying I think I'm pregnant, and they said to bring in a specimen. What do they mean?"

He says "I don't know, but Mary next door has been pregnant loads of times, so why not go and ask her?"

So off she goes, and she comes back later with a fat lip, a thick ear, a nosebleed, a black eye, and half her clothing ripped to shreds, and her husband says "What in the name of Jesus, Mar...

How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger…

Mary and Joseph had nobody but themselves to blame for having to spend the night in a stable

They should have known it will be impossible to get last minute accommodation on Christmas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bible says Mary and Joseph didn't get along very well.

Says she rode his ass all the way to Bethlehem.

The fourth magi

In the original text, there was actually a fourth king who came to see the baby Jesus. Along with the others bearing gold, frankincense, and myrrh, the fourth king brought nickel. Unfortunately Mary and Joseph refused and gave him his nickel back, which is why he never made it as a wise man…

Why did Mary and Joseph's WIFI get hacked?

Because Jesus WEPt.

I can see why mary and joseph couldnt find a hotel to stay at

Usually Christmas gets places really busy

Why were Mary and Joseph considered such good businessmen?

Because they produced such a great prophet.

Two men sitting at a bar...

Two men are sitting next to each other at the bar well into their drinking. The first man says to the bartender, in a thick Irish accent, “Sir, another shot of your finest whiskey!” The second man looks at the first and says, with an equally thick accent, “Well I’ll be, by chance do you come from Ir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The confession

A man went to his church for confession and he entered the confessional.

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned.”

“What is it my son? Did you commit adultery?”

“No Father I swore.”

“Very well begin your story”

“Well I was out at the Emerald Golf course and I was on h...

Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the priest looks at the three with distain and says, "Have ya any decency between ya? You three look like a right pair of fools, but I'll give 50 quid to any of you that can name the three main characters of the Bible." The Englishman pipes up and says, "The three Kings?...

An Irish man, an English man and a Scottish man go to a church

An Irish man, an English man and a Scottish man are walking down the street. The Irish man lights a cigarette, and just as he lights it the English man says "look there's a nice church over there, lets go in and see it". The Irish man annoyed says "fine lets go", puts out his cigarette and puts it i...

An Englishman And An Irishman

*Chances are this has been posted before, but as an Irishman with English roots I've always found it hilarious. Enjoy! :D*

An Englishman and an Irishman in two separate cars were driving down a lonely country road on a cold, misty night at 100 kilometers per hour. Neither men were being parti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mrs. Rosenberg walks into a hotel

Mrs. Rosenberg walks into a hotel and asks the guy behind the counter to put her up for the night.

"Name?" he asks

"Mrs. Rosenberg" she replies

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we don't give out rooms to Jews."

"Jews? Who's the Jew here? I am Catholic" the woman yells.

"Oh r...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.