UPJOKE

Many Different Jokes

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A family is having dinner at the table one evening, when the son asks the father, "Dad, how many different kinds of boobs are there?" The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering...

"Well, my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions."

The son is confused and asks, "Onions?"

The fathe...

Did you know there are many different words for lungs?

I just can't remember them because I have bad lung term memory

Netflix writers have so many different shows to deal with...

They have trouble keeping all their characters straight.

What do you call a spider with lots of kids from many different spiders of whom he never married?

A Baby-Daddy Longleg

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If you have sex with girls from many different countries...

...are you a clitourist?

My 4 year old nephew desided to count, how many different jokes you can find on r/Jokes

- But Johnny, - I said, - you only can count to 20!

- I don't think it's a problem, - he replied.

How come the Joker can have so many different suits?

He has plenty of room in his Joaquin closet.

When I'm bored I love seeing how many different watches I can strap onto my wrists.

I have too much time on my hands.

A man goes to the doctor, he's visibly losing hair.

He says to the doctor, "I've spent months trying to grow my hair back, trying so many different treatments, but nothing has worked." The doctor says, "Well, it sounds a bit weird but, I suggest you rub the top of your head against your wife's private area once a night." The man does so, and a month ...

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

My grandpa died from a heart attack over the summer and I feel at least partially responsible.



He was having trouble navigating Amazon because they have so many different things available. I suggested that when he wants to buy something he should look for a more focused website so it's easier to find things.

But if it wasn't for me, during the heatwave back in August he never ...

Happy Anniversary

A married couple are celebrating their anniversary at the restaurant where they had their first date. About halfway through dinner, the husband asks his wife a question.

"Honey, I was just wondering something," he said.

"What's that, dear?" the wife wondered.

"Well... we've been...

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Si...

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Southern grammar: tied

Y'all might not know it, but southern USA grammar is more complex than up north. We have many different ways of using the same word, with completely different meanings.

Take the word "tied" for instance. You might say two people, or animals "tied up" which means they fought.

You could ...

I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator.

We speak to eachother on so many different levels.

I asked my friend about His new digging job

He said is boring on many different levels.

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A little old lady

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo ...

Redditors are like eggs

They come in many different colours and sizes, but deep down they all have the same yolks.

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Lil Johnny was is sex education class...

For most classes, he said in back but in sex education class lil Johnny always sat right in front. One particular day the teacher's homework assignment was that each student should go home and think of all of the different positions there are in which people can have sexual intercorse. When they ret...

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An old man dies and gets to heaven....

At the gates, St. Peter tells him "you did well, but you were unfaithful to your wife on many different occasions."

The man new this was true and said "I'm sorry and I'll accept any consequences given to me."

St. Peter said "for this, you'll be given a smokey old Ford to ride, in heave...

I kept meeting my Chinese friend in the elevator today!

It was Wong on so many different levels

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