UPJOKE

Man And His Dog Jokes

A man and his dog walk into a bar...

...The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
...

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A man and his dog walk into a bar

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'm sorry guys, you'll have to leave. No dogs allowed."

The man says, "But mine talks."

The bartender says "Bullshit"

The man says "I'll bet you $10,000 he can talk."

The bartender says "Fine, prove it then. But if he...

A man and his dog were walking along a road

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them..

After a while, they came to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a Labrador.

He makes his way to the bar and orders a drink.

“I’m sorry, but we don’t allow dogs in here,” says the bartender.

“That’s my seeing-eye dog,” the man replies.

The bartender’s face instantly drops, knowing he made himself out to be a complete asshole.

“Oh God. I’m sorry. H...

A man and his dog walk into a bar...

The barkeep says, “Sorry, we don’t let animals in here.”

The man tells the barkeep, “But my dog can talk! Will you let him in if he talks?”

The barkeep lets out some chuckles and shakes his head. “Yeah, sure, whatever,” he says.

The man looks at his dog and smiles. “Alright! Wha...

A man and his dog walk into a bar...

The man proceeds to sit on a stool and the dog quickly follows, jumping onto the next stool. The barkeep tells the man ‘Sir your dog can’t sit there!’

‘Well I reckon he can. You see, this is no ordinary dog. This dog here has the gift of speech, and that makes him my best friend. And I believ...

A man and his dog walk into a bar

The man tells the bartender, "I bet you $100 that this is a talking dog."

The bartender says, "Ok, if it is a talking dog, I will give you $100. But if it isn't, then you give me $100 and I'll throw you and the dog out that window."

The man looks to the dog and says, "Ok, boy: what is ...

A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office.

"All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, whats your talent?" asks the agent.

The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!"

"Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out."

"No, wait," says the man. "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his dog walk in to the bar

The man tells the bartender he’s celebrating getting his dog back from his ex because his dog can talk.

“Oh, yea? If that dog can talk all your drinks are on the house,” the bartender says.

“Deal. Hey boy, whats sandpaper feel like?”

The dog barks, ruff! ruff!

“Hey boy, w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his new hunting dog

A man is sitting at the bar of his local gun club with a few of his buddies after finishing their trap shoot. As they enjoy a cold beer, a man and his dog enter the bar. After a few minutes of pleasantries, the man with the dog says "Yea, this dog is incredible. I don't have to sit around and wait f...

the Blind Man and his Dog...!!!

This blind fella is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and you guessed it, right down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers.

The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie treat which he...

Bachelor shopping

A man, enjoying bachelorhood while his wife was away visiting her parents, lived like a typical bachelor, living on whatever was in the pantry.

Cauliflower in the fridge? Fry them with the eggs found there and that's lunch and dinner. Don't want to cook? Open up the cans of soup in the pantry...

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