UPJOKE

Made A Mistake Jokes

I made a mistake at the grocery store.

I went to get 6 Sprites. Accidentally picked 7up

I think they made a mistake when they named childbirth “delivery”.

It should have been called “takeout” instead.

A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills

One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."

So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.

"Hey can you break a 1...

I made a mistake shaving my privates today

Or "gross misconduct" as my court martial put it

What did the doctor tell the nurse after he made a mistake on the blood type record

He made a type o

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

What do you call a prince who made a mistake?

A heirror

Today i made a mistake while sewing.

Oops, wrong thread.

An engineer dies and goes up to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, St Peter says to the engineer "Sorry pal, you're not on the list. You can't get into heaven." The engineer says "Wait a minute, I always donated to charity, my wife and I raised two orphans we adopted, I attended church regularly, what do you mean I'm not on the list to get into...

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.

At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: “*So how’s it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''

The patient, who’s been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, “*No. I’m afraid to*.”

iTunes must’ve made a mistake

It doesn’t have you listed as the hottest single.

I made a mistake at a philosophy conference. They asked me for a lecture on Daoism, but I misunderstood. I talked about filial piety and deference to superiors instead.

I apologized for the Confucian.

What does a French baker say when they made a mistake?

Oh crepe

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

What did the computer student say to the language student after he made a mistake?

You made a programmar error

I made a mistake when making the bed in the morning. My girlfriend went crazy.

Bad sheet crazy.

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A girl’s invited to his boyfriend’s family dinner. But she made a mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.

When she is on her way, she feels the need to fart, but she figures she can wait until she gets to his house.

When she arrives, his parents are so happy to meet her. His parents immediately invite her to the dining table. Since dinner is almost ready, she feels bad to step out. She figures s...

I realised I had made a mistake when I tried to kill myself.

I was dangling with the noose around my neck, and a man came up to me. I gasped at him with my last breaths "What would it take for you to cut me down?" But he just stood there silently as I waited for his answer.

I hate it when people keep me hanging.

Did you hear about the rookie cowboy who made a mistake?

It was his first rodeo.

The Indian restaurant made a mistake with my order but I wasn’t worried about it

It was a naan issue

An engineer dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives St. Peter looks at the book and scratches his head. He says 'You were involved in some great civil engineering projects so I ought to let you into heaven but you were also involved in weapons programs that resulted in great loss of life' 'I am sorry but you will have to go to hell'. ...

I saw a posting for a local scat group and decided to check them out

It was clear the moment I walked in the door I had made a mistake, but never being one against new experiences I pulled out a stool and joined them

"Let he who is without sin throw the first stone," Jesus said.

As the stones began to fly, Jesus realized he might have made a mistake by including the local narcissists.

The Wrong Suits

Mr. Smith and Mr. Jones died on the same day. No problem for the mortuary, they had two chapels and could do two funerals at the same time.

Mrs. Smith wanted her husband buried in his gray suit, Mrs Jones wanted her husband buried in his blue pinstripe suit. Shortly before the services t...

Engineer goes to Hell...

The engineer looks around, confused, and sees that despite having lived what he felt was a pious and good life, he is in Hell.

Satan quickly introduces himself. "Welcome to Hell. I can't say i was expecting you, so i guess St. Peter made a mistake when he put you on the Hell list. I'll have ...

I received a lovely card saying "get better soon"

Which I found confusing, because I haven't been sick. Should I tell my manager she's made a mistake?

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This is from a time when men delivered milk to people's houses, and when Old Lady Doris ordered 40 gallons of milk.

Mr. Mike the Milk Man paused at the end of her driveway and scratched his head. What would Old Lady Doris want 40 gallons of milk for? There must be some mistake. So instead of just delivering it to her porch, he knocked on the door.

Old Lady Doris answered in her housecoat.

"Hi Doris,...

Two men are sitting in the cinema waiting for the movie to start

so they get bored with all the commercials and suddenly one of the two notices a bald guy in the middle of the front row. So he tells his friend '' 5 bucks if i go smash his head ? ''. The other guy curious about the outcome likes the idea so he agrees. The man stands up goes down the stairs smashes...

How to stop the church gossip

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new m...

Blonde, Nun, Russian and Pole in Train

Suddenly they enter the tunnel. It is getting dark. A loud sound is heard in the darkness. At the exit, a Russian man can be seen holding his cheek. The nun thinks - the pervert touched the blonde and got slapped. The blonde thinks - the pervert was supposed to touch me, but he made a mistake, touch...

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

I went to Soviet Russia once

I knew I made a mistake, Because I saw all the Red flags

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Amazing Apples

A man and his wife are walking through the state fair, when he notices something that clearly has to be a mistake. Taped to a table full of big beautiful apples is a sign that reads, 'Amazing Apples $10 each'. So the man tells the proprietor, "Excuse me sir but I think you made a mistake" pointing ...

I don’t make mistakes

I once thought I made a mistake, but I was mistaken

Reintroducing "All the children" jokes

This is a blatant repost because a year ago, I had a day full of laughs because of this thread, so I would like to give credit to /u/joschon for blessing us all with this a year ago.


Here in Sweden, there's a classic joke cycle called "All the children-jokes". They're kind of like limeric...

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Celibate

A young monk is being shown around the abbey by the abbot. They come across the scriptorium.

“This,” the abbot announces proudly, “is where we make copies of the Bible. They all come from here!” He says, pointing to a giant book chained to the center of the room.

“That’s the original...

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This is OC just made it up 2 minutes ago

So a teacher starts class by talking about responsibility, and says, “As you know, we’re all human, and we all make mistakes, but...” and just then, Johnny raised his hand, and the teacher called on him.

“Actually, I’ve never made a mistake.”

“There’s no way on earth Johnny, everyone ...

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Three devout Italian nuns passed away…

Alt the gate, St Peter said they could come in - but as a reward for having led absolutely blameless lives, he would allow them all to return to Earth in the body of anyone, living or dead, at any time of their lives, for 6 months.

The first thought a bit, and said she would like to be Sophia...

We never make mistakes.

There was an incident a few years ago where I was sure I had made a mistake, but it turned out I was wrong.

Bob Ross said "We don't make mistakes. We just have happy accidents."

So, either he lied and my parents made a mistake or I'm an accident.

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James visits his friend Henry's house

James visits his friend Henry's house, where Henry's girlfriend Rita answers the door wearing a towel.James almost instantly says, "I will give you 200 bucks if you show me one of your boobs."

"Okay, But no touching!" she says showing him her left boob.

"I will give you another 200 buc...

The engineer that went to hell.

One day an engineer died and went to hell. He was a good Christian man who never sinned but Saint Peter made a mistake and accidentally sent him to hell.
In hell the engineer thought to himself, "gee, it sure is hot in here", and so he built some air-conditioning.
Then he thought, "I sure ...

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand...

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying copies made from still more copies.

"If someone made a mistake," he points out. "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made."

A bit star...

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A hawk is feeling horny...

The first partner he meets is a dove.


He pulls her into the bushes and there's a bunch of shaking and rustling sounds. A few minutes later, they both come out looking happy.


The dove says, "I'm a dove and I've been loved."


The hawk is still horny, though, ...

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A mounted policeman stops his horse next to a little girl and her tricycle.

He leans over the side of the horse, and says "That's a nice trike, did Santa give it to you for Christmas?". The little girl proudly says yes. "Well, it looks like he forgot to give you a helmet too," the policeman says, "I'm going to have to write you a ticket."
At this point, the little girl ...

After years of going to catholic church I’ve finally decided to seek other points of view on religion...

... After countless hours of study and understanding, I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Had I made a mistake? Had I crossed a benevolent God?

I had studied Judaism in Israel,

Buddhism in Tibet,

Even to indigenous areas of the globe to to better understand what it...

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Aliens visited the earth one day

They only want peace and help human technology advance and started to beam all world leaders into their ship. Almost all countries' leaders are inside the ship except for the Vatican, where the Pope is still speaking with the public.

After the speech, the aliens hovered above and beamed the P...

An old lady returns to a grocery store and approaches the cashier.

Cashier: "Hello, how can I help you?"

Lady: "I think you made a mistake with the change, yesterday. There is a difference of €50!"

Cashier: "I'm sorry, but I cannot accept any claims once you have left the store yesterday. Next time, please come to us immediately whenever you have con...

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In the early days of aircraft, China was copying some American designs.

They bought one of the earliest gliders from the States and carefully took it apart. Measured dimensions of the wings and body, weighed every single part and even did some careful studies to determine the exact materials.

They put some of their best engineers on it to ensure all the maths che...

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A Bacon Tree

Way back in the cowboy days, a wagon train was travelling West and hadn't seen anyone in days. One day, they came across an old Jewish man sitting under a tree, all by himself.
The leader of the wagon went over to the Jew and said "Hey, what are you doing way out here?"
The Jew replied, and to...

An office worker opened his pay envelope to find

his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.

"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."

"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in...

First Day in the Monastery

A young man joined an order of Benedictine monks. On his first day, the aged Abbott takes him on a tour of the monastery. The young novice is shown to the cells where the monks sleep, the chapel where the monks pray, the mess hall where they eat. Finally, the Abbott takes the new recruit to see t...

An eagle goes looking for a mate...

He swoops down and picks up a loon. "I'm a loon, I'm a loon, I love to spoon."

The eagle realizes this will not work, so he kicks the loon out and finds a hawk. "I'm a hawk, I'm a hawk, I just want to talk."

Realizing that that will not work, he kicks out the hawk and finds a dove. "I'...

An engineer dies and goes to hell

Lucifer : I don't get it, you weren't supposed to be here, maybe there's some mixup, hold on...."*calls God*"

God : Yo Lucy, wassup?

Lucifer : Was Mr. Rowan supposed to be here, I don't find him on the list.

God : Oh yeah, he was supposed to be here in heaven. Looks like Reaper ...

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