UPJOKE

Lost My Mind Jokes

I've lost my mind.

Sometimes, I squeeze my fingers together really tight. Eventually, they slip and slap my hand.

I guess you could say I've snapped.

A psychiatrist once asked...

A psychiatrist once asked one of his patients if he felt he had lost his mind, where the patient replied, "I haven't lost my mind, I have simply misplaced it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy confesses to his psychiatrist that he's having trouble at work...

"What sort of trouble?" asks the shrink.

"I work in the production line at a pickle factory, and I know this is going to sound crazy, but lately I've been fantasizing about putting my penis into the pickle-slicer."

"My God, man!" the shrink exclaims. "You can't do that!"

"I know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gruesome deaths

Three men go to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter tells them that heaven is currently overloading, and only people who have had particularly gruesome or sad deaths may enter. He then proceeds to ask the first man how he died.

"Well, it's a really weird story. I came home from work early because...

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