UPJOKE

Losing My Mind Jokes

A man walked into a bar and sat down

A man walked into a bar and sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say “nice tie!” Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said “beautiful shirt“.
At this, the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady complains to her best friend that she is not getting satisfied at home

\- "I even can't remember when was the last time we had it. I am losing my mind."

\- "My husband stopped having sex with me long time ago too. But I found a replacement"

\- "How? Tell me more about it."

\- "Well, whenever I feel like having it, I just call plumbers. By the time ...

A man goes to the doctor...

"Doctor," he says, "Ya gotta help me! I'm having all sorts of crazy dreams! I think I'm losing my mind here!"

"Why certainly," the doctor says, "Tell me about these dreams you are having."

The man continues, "Well Doc, you see, I dream that I'm turnin' into stuff of a Native American n...

I was home alone, staying with a friend, on holiday in Germany when the phone suddenly rang...

“I am the viper. I am coming in three days.”
I thought it was a prank call, so gave it no thought. I laughed at the peculiarity and hung up.
The next day, I was alone in my friend’s house again, when the phone rang for a second time.
“I am the viper. I am coming in two days.”
This time, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Urges

John worked at the pickle factory. One day, he came home to his wife and said, "honey, I think I'm losing my mind. I keep having this urge to stick my dick in the pickle slicer."

She said "Well, don't do that."

The next night he came home and said, "honey, it happened again. I keep h...

A man walks into a bar...

and sits down.

There is nobody else in the place except him and the bartender. He orders a drink and the bartender goes off to make it.

While he is sitting there he hears a voice say " Nice shoes". The man looks around and finds nobody around. He shakes his head and continues to wait ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers were sitting on the front line in a fox hole

They were both on edge as they knew tonight would be their last night alive. The enemy was swiftly approaching and it was only a matter of time before they were over run.
Soldier 1- “I need to take a shit”
Soldier 2- “dude don’t leave me here”
Soldier 1- “ I cant shit with you here, I get s...

A guy walks into a bar..

A guy walks into a bar and sees the bar all but empty. The bartender is sitting down leaning his head on his arms, fast asleep.

"Oh, well." the guy thought, and went behind the bar and made himself a beer and sat down, determined to keep a tap and pay the waiter after his rest.

As he s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men go to hell

The devil says if you can last one year with what caused you to die in a locked room, I'll let you go back to earth the moment you died without no one mn owing and you can continue living.

He goes to the first man to which he says "booze I drank everything in sight and it lead to my organs fe...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.