I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled...
“It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now.
Actually, please don't.
Girls look at me like I'm a steak
And they're vegan
I hate how woman always look at me like i'm a piece of meat
and feel the need to roast me.
Saw my ex-girlfriend across the street today and she didn't even look at me.
Truth is, i've changed a lot since kindergarten.
One day I want someone to look at me and say, "There he is. He's the one"
And not follow it with, "Who ate all the donuts"
Looks like the time of being a gentleman is really at an end. I opened the door for a pretty young lady, and all she could do was look at me in complete terror, and scream.
As she flew out of the plane.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
My wife and I were watching
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phon...
I went to a psychiatrist's office, wearing only Saran wrap underwear and the doctor took one look at me and said...
“Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
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