UPJOKE

Long John Jokes

Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.

Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!

"I say Long John Silver, I really like your earrings, how much were they?"

"2 dollars"
"They're not bad at all for a buccaneer".

Tim, Tom, and Long John were taking a walk across a bridge.

About half-way across, the three men decided to stop and take a leak off the side of the bridge.


While they were relieving themselves, Tim notices, "That water is pretty far down there!"


Tom wonders aloud, "I wonder how cold that water is."


John says, "It is co...

Did you hear about the big fight last night at the Long John Silvers drive-thru?

Battered fish were everywhere.

You ever notice how Long John Silvers employees care more about themselves than the actual customers?

It must be because they all sell fish.

Long John Silver's is the perfect representation of corporate greed.

Nearly everything that company does is selfish.

What do you call small splinters in your thermal underwear?

Long John slivers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the pirate with the second largest penis?

Long John Silver


First of my original jokes to actually make my girlfriend chuckle.

Cold

A man woke up early and kissed his wife good morning and goodbye. He made a thermos of coffee and a thermos of hot soup as his car warmed up in the driveway. He packed his fishing gear and proceeded to drive out to the lake for some ice fishing.

As he drove down the road he realized ...

John Silver was enjoying his rum in a bar when..,

...a seaman walks up to him and starts chatting him up.

The seaman notes that Long John Silver has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

Long John Silver replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies night.

3 ladies are on a night out in a Harlem bar, discussing their men.

Lady 1: ".....well, I call mah man Long John on account o' he's got a looooooong John!

*much laughter, high 5's and shrieking follows*

Lady 2: "...uh-huh well, I call mah man Big Dick on account o' hes got a biii...

What is a Pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant?

...Long John Silvers. Most probably thought I was gonna say “Arrrrby’s.” Lol

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today, I got up early...

...put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee, grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Women

Are sitting in a salon getting their hair done, talking about their husbands.

The first woman says: "I call my husband "Long John", because he has a loooong John!"

The second says: "I call my husband "Big Willy", because he's got a biiiiig willy!"

The third says: "I call my husb...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bad weather

A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pirate Joke

Two Pirates, a captain and his first mate, are pissing over the side of the ship after a long night of drinking. Curious, the first mate peeks over at the captains log to see what he's packing and is shocked to see a miniature steering-wheel attatched to the end of his long john silver.

"Oi! ...

A couple pirate jokes

(Couple good misdirection jokes)
You: What's a pirates favorite military branch?

Friend:ARRRMY

You: No yee dumbass, it's the coast guard.



You:What's a pirates favorite letter?

Friend:ARRRR

You: Aye, you think it be arr but it's the SEA! (C)


Y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pirate joke!

So Long John Silver's was looking for a mascot to sell their fish on T.V and they were looking for a pirate.

So the first audition walks in and he is the perfect pirate! Peg leg, eye patch and hook for a hand, the perfect pirate look.

The interviewer talks to him for a little bit and f...

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