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Limite Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember when bandwidth was so bad, your porn was limited to downloading compressed folders of images over modems.

Sigh... * unzips *


Note: if this joke hasn't been made before, y'all are slacking. ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. When she returned, he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

My options are limited but …

Just overheard at a Waffle House …

Two elderly guys were having breakfast next to us. One guy reflectively said:

“Well at 81 my options on what to do are limited. … But hey, maybe I can run for President.”

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

my dog can play the piano, pretty limited repertoire though

focuses only on bach

To increase foreign currency reserves, the Government of China is offering a limited-time double exchange rate offer.

Buy Yuan get Yuan free.

Netflix is launching in Russia, but with a very limited catalogue.

They're calling it Nyetflix.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Politicians should be limited to two terms.

One in office and one in prison

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is sex limited to 68mph?

At 69 you flip over and blow a rod.

Did you hear about Ben & Jerry’s new limited edition Ice Cream flavor?

Peach Mint.

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

I just spent $100 on a limited edition DVD of Star Trek 2

Turns out the seller was a Kahn man

My wife wasn't too happy when I mentioned that our limited budget meant deciding between improving the kitchen plumbing or replacing the pool pump.

Its either sink or swim.

My first attempts at self harming were limited to say the least.

I barely scratched the surface.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

Politicians go visit a school

High ranking politicians visit a school. The top one goes over the expenses and decides to make adjustments to cut costs.
"The lunch portions are too big. Cut them in half. Internet connection too fast. Too many computers."

After that, they go to a preschool. Again, the expenses are too ...

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