UPJOKE

Like A Boss Jokes

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How to break bad news like a boss

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Kent? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Kent, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that w...

Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss",

I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.

Like a Boss - Employee Gets Owned!

Boss: "Send me one of your funny jokes."

Employee: "I’m working at the moment. I will send you one later."

Boss: "That was fantastic! Send me another one!"

A bumblebee and a honeybee meet on the corner.

The bumblebee says "Hey, little bro, how's it going?" and the honeybee says "Oh, so, so bad. It's been a horrible summer, hardly any flowers, and there's next to nothing in the hive."

"I can give you a hot tip," says the bumblebee. "Go half a block south, then fly over the house to tbe back y...

New Boss

The new CEO decides it's time to rid the company of slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, he notices a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers. Seeing a chance to show he meant business, he says to the guy, *"How much money do you make a week?"*

A little surprised, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's this duck...

...and one day he's walkin down the street when he gets a huge craving for some donuts. So he goes to the bakery and walks in and says to the baker "hey man can i get a dozen donuts, half glazed and half boston creme?" And the baker's like "No, you can't. We don't serve ducks here." And the duck's a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 vampires walk into a bar...

and of course everyone has to show off.

So the first one goes to the bartender: "Give me some Bloody Marry!" Receives his drink. Takes it all in at once. Feeling like a boss.

Second one goes: "Some Blood of a Monk for me!" Wish granted. Takes his shot. Feeling good!

Third one ...

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