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Life Lesson Jokes

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6 Life Lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

Today I taught my son a valuable life lesson by eating his homework.

Tomorrow he will learn that many people will not believe you, even when you tell the truth.

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Life Lessons in the Outback

Bruce has been lost in the Australian Outback for three days and the combination of heat, exhaustion and thirst is close to killing him.

Unable to take another step, he collapses face first in the dirt, ready to meet his maker.

Unexpectedly he wakes to find himself staring into the fac...

2 Life Lessons...

Lesson 1:

There once were these two boys walking in a field and one of the boys finds a green rock. He picks it up and says to his friend, "I bet you five bucks that I can throw this green rock up in the air and it won't come back down." So his friend says, "Okay, you're on." So the boy wi...

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Life lessons,truly

A boy and his daddy are driving down an old country road. The boy looks out the window of the truck and sees 2 dogs getting it on on the side of the road. He turns, and looks at his father and asks "Dad,what's all that about?"
His father thinks quickly,then replies
"Well, son that right the...

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8 Life Lessons — NOT OC

I'll credit this as last posted by u/NinjaNoob99.

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*SHOWER:*

A woman gets out of the shower just as her husband is going to his room. Hearing a knock on the front door, she wraps herself in her bathrobe before stepping outside. She sees her neighbor, who says "I'll give you...

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Life Lesson

A man sits down on a park bench next to a little boy. The man notices the boy is eating chocolate bars, one after another.

After a few minutes, the man says "You won't live very long, eating candy like that."

The boy replies, "I don't know, my grandfather lived to be 101 years old."<...

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Life lesson

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a ...

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Life lesson

Have you ever wondered why before sex both people help each other undress, but after sex each person dresses up individually?

Life lesson: in life nobody will help you when you're screwed, and if someone does help you it's only to screw you

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Life lesson: do not get into an argument with a surgeon

I did that once, and got my ass handed to me.

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Life lessons

1. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.

2. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

3. What is the difference betwee...

Father Rabbit teaches his Rabbit Son life lessons.

So Father Rabbit takes four female rabbits and lines them up in front of his son.

"Son", says Father Rabbit, "we are small and vulnerable animals, and everyone in the woods wants to eat us. That's why we have to do everything really fast to stay safe. Including reproduction. I brought these f...

You know, playing Tetris has taught me a valuable life lesson.

If you try to fit in, you'll disappear.

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A valuable life lesson.

So, be me. A cowardly 6/10. Move into a new neighborhood and have 1+1-2=0 friends. Mowing the lawn when a dog runs up to me. Girl comes after dog, easily a 9/10. Help her get her dog back, introduce myself. Become good friends. Begin dating.

New girl moves in, around a 7/10. Introduce self to...

What are some life lessons

A teacher sent kids home with an assignment to find something that teaches a life lesson. The next day Mary goes first and says "our chickens laid eight eggs so I thought we'd have 8 chicks, but only 5 hatched" teacher asks "what was the lesson?" Mary says "don't count your chickens before they hatc...

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"The proud mallard" (more a life lesson than a joke as told by my father)

There was a mallard who was so full of himself that he thought he didn't need to fly south for winter.

Winter comes and of corse, the mallards plan has gone horrible wrong.

He finds himself in a farmers field with no strength .. no will to carry on any further and just when the malla...

"I do not tolerate tardiness," a professor tells his class at the beginning on the semester.

Looking out at the sea of stricken faces in the large lecture hall he continues. "There are 300 of you, and only one of me. I will not allow you to waste my time. If you are late to class, I will count you as absent for the day. If you hand in an assignment late, it will not count towards your grade...

Little Johnny goes to school one day.

As a 3rd grader, the day is pretty uneventful. However, when he takes a break for recess, he sees all of the kids gathered in a circle around his best friend Jimmy.

Wanting to see what all of the fuss is about, he pushes his was through, and sees he friend standing there proudly with his shi...

My father's friend died in an car accident.

My father took me to his friend's funeral even though I didn't knew anyone of the people who attended that funeral. Few moments later a gentleman stood beside me and said,

Man- Hey kid, enjoy your life to your fullest and never give up in your life. These are the days which you'll remember y...

I love my biology teacher....

**He gives great life lessons**

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