UPJOKE

Life Changing Jokes

Life changing money is useless

I’m looking for some of that

WIFE changing money

The life changing virus

Q: What is the most influential virus?
A: Influenca

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always ...

After waking up with a hangover everyday for a month, I've decided to make a life changing decision

I'm going to drink more water before bed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

300lb guy goes to the hospital for life changing surgery.

As he enters, the surgeons inspect him and one says to him, "I'm very sorry Sir, but it looks like were going to have to put you down".

"What? I can't believe it!" replies the man, "It... it can't be that bad, surly?"

"Yes, you disgustingly fat sack of shit, the 4 of us can't carry yo...

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A man books a Doctor's appointment for his huge penis.

He books the appointment with the doctor and goes into to see him and explains,

"D-d-d-d-docter I have a really bad s-s-s-stutter caused by all the b-b-b-b-blood going to my huge p-p-p-p-penis"

The doctor takes a look and can see that is the case. They come to an agreement that the man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In my past life, I was a message delivery man in an army base

One day, I got a letter for Bravo Company, and took off to deliver it as quickly as I could. When I found them they were doing exercises in one of the yards, I walked up to the sergeant to deliver the message.

He took the letter, read it over, folded it and put it in his pocket. Then he yell...

You haven't lived until you develop a foot Fetish...

Its toe-tally life changing.

Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket.

Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.

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Romance

Ed and Carolyn met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Carolyn to dance clubs, restaura...

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A man walks into a bar full of gorgeous women

As he's waiting for his drink he keeps looking around the bar, not believing his luck. Every single girl here is a 10/10. He doesn't usually have much luck with the ladies, but surely the odds are in his favour tonight!

An average looking guy drinking a beer at the bar notices him staring at ...

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